Matt goes back to work?! (or please help him provide for his family)

         12 Years! It's been 12 years since I quit work and became a stay at home parent. It's also been over 6 years since I wrote a blog post (once the boys became sentient they no longer wanted to be written about). Both are about to happen again. Not sure how regular the blogging will be, but the work thing is definitely happening. A lot has happened in 12 years, 3 brain surgeries plus radiation and a clinical trial for Jill; 4 different schools for each boy; lots of soccer games, so many games and practises and tournaments, for Q; plays and musicals for O; friends coming and going, making new friends, so much growing up for both boys! O is now in high school and Q middle school. What hasn't changed much is me, other than getting older and going grey, or platinum as Jill likes to call it. I've stayed at home and tried to manage things the best I can, keeping everyone fed, happy, healthy and hopefully on target to be happy productive adults. Results are still pending. As the boys have gotten older the thought has crossed my mind about finding work, but the question was always doing what? I've had one (paying) job in my entire life, working for the same retail store for 18 years. So not exactly an eye catching resume! Take the limited professional skill set, a long lapse in employment, my "advanced" age, and the need for flexibility to care for my family and (mostly) their chauffeuring and I quickly became frozen to inaction in finding work. Real easy to get into a downward psychological spiral doubting yourself and your prospects. So I stuck to what I knew, stay at home parent, chef, maid service, laundry and driver. It was easier than what seemed like heading towards pending failure.

        Now I stand on the precipice of changing that. I've been taking online classes to get my real estate license and passed the state exam a few weeks ago. This is frightening and exciting all at once, but mostly terrifying! A friend asked me last year if I had any referrals or knew of anyone interested in becoming an agent. In either a moment of inspiration or insanity, I suggested me. In January we met for coffee to discuss it and I decided to pursue the opportunity. The job fits my lack of skills and need for flexibility, but also seems to fit my personality (outgoing, friendly, honest). I am firmly convinced I can do the job very well and will enjoy it. What I am not sure about, is how to get clients, it seems a tall task. It seems everyone already has a real estate agent they work with and are committed to (not to mention the many, many people who when I tell them what I'm doing, tell me they used to have their license.That's not concerning at all.) . It's like trying to break up a girl from her boyfriend so you can date her. You may be a better boyfriend than the current guy, but it's an awkward conversation to start, you don't know how serious they are, and you don't want to cause problems. Even if it's a casual thing she still feels some obligation to the first guy. I don't want to be a home wrecker, I just want to be their realtor! I'll also have to deal with lacking a certain religious affiliation common to Utah, which provides instant access and client pools. I'll have to study up and develop/sharpen some new skills, but mostly I'll need to roll up my sleeves and work hard. That and rely on my friends to help me out, use me, recommend me, refer me!

       Right now, I'm trying to come up with my "brand", a company name, maybe a slogan, something to distinguish myself and my business. Something that quickly explains my essence as a person and real estate agent/business. I'm also doing my best to learn about the industry, how it works, and how to do the best job possible. This is a massive undertaking, mostly in just getting me out of my comfort zone and into the groove of working a job again! I feel I'm moving at a snails pace, but hopefully will speed up as I get momentum. This blog is my first public pronouncement and I've been sitting on publishing it for a few weeks, because once I do, things become all too real! I'll have made the first step in putting myself out there asking for clients and I may have to do some actual real estate work (hopefully at least). I'm going to try and blog a little more again, maybe throw some stories about the boys in, and chronicle my journey back into working. Thanks everyone who takes the time to read this!


         
         

Good riddance or the sun will come out tomorrow

For a year that seemed to start out with such promise, it sure went to crap pretty quickly. Can't say I'll miss 2011 much, it was a year marked mainly by grieving and coping. It started with the death of my grandmother in law, then my sister nearly died giving birth, it took a sharp turn down with the death of my father in law, thought it hit bottom when a close friend died of a heart attack at 39, but only hit rock bottom when J had to have surgery to remove brain tumor tissue again. Tack on struggles with O, and my doctor wanting to put me on meds for high cholesterol and triglycerides, and you have the cherry on the shit sundae. It gets hard to try and prop yourself up against these waves, while at the same time trying to buoy up the rest of the family. First you have to find the strength to reassure yourself everything will be ok, then convey and convince everyone else that is the case too. You question, you dwell, you think, and in the end, you have to live life as it comes and do the best that you can, you never know when it will end. We almost had a friend die two days ago, when he fell on is head trying to mash down the garbage in his can, that's just stupid. We'll carry on in 2012, we'll continue to try to help O with his issues, I'll do everything I can to make myself healthier (although I turned down the meds, to try and lower the numbers on my own), we'll continue to grieve, miss those that died and try to help my MIL, and we'll struggle along with the specter of J's tumor, always worrying, knowing she may have to face it again. The last one is the hardest thing, knowing what you have had to go through, knowing how hard it is, and then thinking you may have to go through it again.

As you can see I was dealing with a lot and so never published many blogs, I'd start one and not finish it, or didn't want them all to be doom and gloom, or just not have time to write. To flush out 2011 I'm going to publish all the ones I started but never finished, then I have a funny O story I'll write and publish for 2012 to start things off right.

Parent in crisis

I am in the midst of parental crisis, I alternately want to pull my hair out and scream, or break down and cry. I'm just not sure what to do with O lately, everything seems to be a battle with him, from dinner to homework, to how he talks to and treats his brother and J and I, to how he talks about himself. I have reached a point where I question what I can/should be doing as a his father, because things shouldn't be this hard. On J's recommendation, we've started reading a parenting book. Nothing makes you feel like a shitty parent more than one of those. Basically it makes you feel like you have permanently scarred the little darlings with how wrong you have been doing things, and that they most assuredly will be meth addicts robbing liquor stores by their teens. Have I really been doing things so wrong all this time? Is it too late to fix? Have I raised the two boys differently, because they sure act differently. You start to go through every interaction you've ever had with your children, wondering where it all went wrong. I'm trying to implement ideas from the book, although perhaps I should read more than a third of it before I do. For some reason my attempts don't go the way the book says they should. I try not to be too hard on myself, because I know some of it is a function of O's personality. I also wonder what did I do so different with Q that he behaves differently, or perhaps he'll end up there too in three years. I almost feel like I have a teenager in an eight year old body, and I fear for what our dealings will be like when he actually hits that age and we have the added bonus of dealing with raging hormones. I wonder if a lot of it isn't just a desire for attention. It gets hard when you try to talk him about something he's done and he turns dramatic and starts in with his new favorite sayings, "I know, I'm such a jerk!", or "I'm just an idiot!", neither of which has ever been told to him or even insinuated. But, it gets the desired response of us telling him how wonderful he is. My biggest challenge lately is remaining calm when he tells me, "you'll regret this!", followed by some sort of threat. Unfortunately that probably comes as a response to how we have dealt with him, making threats to take away tv/computer/video game time, unless something was either stopped or accomplished. Trying very hard not to do that now, as my father taught me, never make a threat you don't intend to keep. As per the parenting book, we're trying to empower him, by giving him choices, thereby he learns to be responsible and doesn't have something t rebel against. That works great, till you give him a choice and he says "neither, what do you think I am an idiot?!" I better go read more of the book, to find what I answer to that.

Looking for the crossover friend

Friendship is very interesting. As you move through life, it comes in many forms, and changes as we age and our lives change. Our first friends are usually family, parents or siblings, because they are who we are around and who we know and trust. Outside of family, our next friends come about through proximity, either neighbors, or from class at school or church. From that point we form friendships not just through proximity, but through shared interests and personalities. I see this starting in my boys. Their friends are based mostly who they are in class with. With O, he has been friends with kids one year, only to disregard them the next because they aren't in the same class. Within class, his "best friend", has shared interests, but I also feel they are both a bit socially awkward and match up that way. With Q, he is friends with the kids he plays sports with at recess, he's kind of a jock, he hangs out with the jocks (not to stereotype at such a young age). I will watch with interest as my boys go through school to see how and who their friendships are. Often, your friends from elementary aren't your friends in junior high, who aren't your friends in high school. who aren't your friends in college, who aren't your friends as adults. Some people are lucky, they can form deep lasting friendships from elementary to last a lifetime. Mostly it's not so easy, as circumstance change, so do your friends.





An interesting side note to this is how Facebook has allowed people to reconnect with past friendships from years past. Oftentimes the links that once made you inseparable are no longer there. I have found examples of long lost friends where the conversations could go on for hours even though we hadn't seen each other for twenty plus years. Then there are the others where it is hard to find how you were friends before. Being friends as kids is much different from being friends as adults, it doesn't matter if they were junior high or college friends, it's different as an adult with children.





It's hard to be/make/keep friends as adults. The first issue is time, between work, family time, extended family, and spouse time, it's hard to find the time to put into cultivating good relationships. I have a couple that I would refer to as really good friends, and we are lucky if we get together with them twice a year. Which brings up another issue, no matter where the friendship came from (pre-spousal relationship, my friend, her friend, work friend), the spouses have to get along. If not, then there isn't much chance you'll spend much time with them. Time is precious, I'm not spending it with some douche I can't stand. Since there is very little time to spend with friends at this point in life, it's hard to cultivate those deep relationships, adult friendships are more transitory, someone to do things with, but not to share your deepest secrets and wants. I could name my best friends, but they are my best friends because I know they would be the ones to be there if I ever needed anything, not because I talk to or see them all the time.





So at this point in life, nearing forty, with two school age children, a stay at home dad, with a busy working wife, where do my friends come from. Either people from my wives work (and really, she sees enough of them daily, let's keep work and home separate, except Jim, because I love him so), or the parents of my children's friends. That can get tricky, just because my son likes your son, doesn't make us simpatico. Quick example, Q is friends with a BYU fan, nuff said. It can go the other way too, I made friends with a dad of a girl in O's class, very nice guy, liked him alot. His daughter cannot stand my son, nor, as a result me, to the point that her brother's favorite thing to do to upset her, is to loudly and slowly say O's name.





It would be nice to find the friend that you have history with, that your wife gets along with his wife, and that you have similar current circumstances and views, of course you would never be able to coordinate schedules, would exchange Christmas cards, and maybe get together once or twice a year, only to say we really need to do this more often.





A disclaimer to my wife---You are my best friend and truly the only friend I need, and this blog in no way, shape, or form, is a questioning or indictment of our love and friendship!

Am I becoming "that" person

One of the pitfalls of stay at home parenting is that most of your daily interactions are with children. This can be wonderful and rewarding in its own way. It can also leave one craving some adult interaction/conversation. This is on top of the rewarding conversations with your spouse, which mostly revolve around the children and your day with the children. Unfortunately, this can lead to overreaching to find a conversation. I think I am a naturally friendly person, years of working in retail have made me comfortable talking to people I don't know. My dad gets a kick out of it, like when I would talk to and make friends with the people in the lines at Disneyland. He took to calling me "Mojo Matt" whenever I would talk to people. What I worry is that I am talking too much, being too friendly, perhaps even giving too much information. In my lust for conversing, I will talk to just about anyone, teachers, other parents at school, grocery store clerks, receptionists, waiters, random people shopping, just about anyone. In my haste to do this, I wonder the impression I am making. I wonder if I am coming off extremely needy and a bit too forward. Sometimes in my head as it's happening, I will worry I am talking to much, dominating the conversation, but I can't stop myself. One problem with these encounters, is their fleeting nature, they are but a temporary fix. It's like the drug addict getting a score, sure he's high for a while, but that only lasts for so long, and then needs to score again. They are a vapid passing, unsatiating once the moment has passed. I guess it could be worse, I could go around talking to myself.

Is it depressing in here or is it just me?

After writing the blog about my grandfather, my mother in law asked me to write one about her mom. I happily obliged and started writing a blog about the woman I affectionately referred to as the Helenator. Before I could finish it, the Helenator passed away. I finished it, but didn't publish it, because I wanted my mother in law to read it first. I was also worried that my blog was becoming a "death blog", if only I had known what this year had in store for me. That was in January the Helenator passed, but other happy things were happening, a quick getaway to Phoenix with just my wife, and a niece to be born in March. February came and went well, an amazing trip to Phoenix which included reconnecting with an old friend. Then March came in like a lion and exited like a rhino stampede. It started with the call that my sister who was planning an at home natural child birth had to rush to the hospital. The updates were sparse, her platelet levels were dangerously low, her organs were in danger of shutting down and the baby would have to be taken by c-section immediately. She was suffering from HELP, which I had to look up, but it's like severe pre-eclamsia. The hardest part was being hundreds of miles away with no knowledge of the situation and no way of finding out. After the fact we found out the dire nature of things, basically my sister almost died. Once she had recovered one of her nurses told her she thought for sure she was going to die. Fortunately, both she and the baby came out the other side healthy.

Editor's note:
This was written after my father in law had passed away in March, and I saw the old friend in Phoenix in April a second time, only to have him die 2 weeks later. It was before we found out about J needing surgery again.

Snap! Crackle! Pop!

For a few months now, I've been having some discomfort with my shoulder and with my knee when I run. I know the knee issue is a tight IT band, and I've gone to a running clinic to learn to run correctly to fix it. At my annual physical I asked my gp about my shoulder, he tested my range of motion and told me it's arthritis in my AC joint. I tend to disagree with his diagnosis, but he's the one with the MD, it's just my body. I figured before I go and have another doctor want to scope me, I would try an alternative. So today I went to see a chiropractor, or if you prefer, a back quack. My sister-in-law, swears by the guy and how he has helped her and her family. I went in without preconceptions, it is worth a try. I had to fill out the usual patient info sheet. I thought about not mentioning what my problems were, I figured if he's good he should know without me telling. Decided it might be more helpful in fixing the problems if I mentioned them.

Editor's note:
Turns out, all it took was a new mattress and a gel foam mattress topper (on the chiropractors advice) for my shoulders to feel better. Some good stretching made my knee feel better.

Sexism in the pre-school

I knew the day would come, but I thought I had another year. We just signed Q up for full day kindergarten for the fall, and now I am faced with what to do with myself when the boys are both in school all day. I thought he'd go half-day, but his teacher recommended full day, and now I've got a lot more time on my hands come August. I have put some thought into what to do, but not much. I've thought about doing some volunteering, but I'd have to find a good cause. I figured I would maybe join a gym, and finally get back into really good shape, but that wouldn't take up that much time. I figure I'll keep the house more clean, but that's easier with the boys at school not messing it up. I could catch up on all the movies I haven't watched (now that would be productive!), or become a soap opera/talk show fanatic, eating bonbons on the couch. I could blog more, of course with the boys in school all day there would be less to write about.
I could get a job, although not sure what I would/could do and it would have to fit into a specific schedule. I thought about possibly teaching pre-school at O and Q's school, I love little kids (and they love me), and it would work schedule wise. That idea intrigued me, so I asked the principal what that might entail. It would start with a resume and essay on my "view of America" to the corporate offices, then an interview and Wunderlich test. Easy enough, although the school owner and I don't see eye to eye politically, so I would have to word my essay carefully. From there, they would decide my qualities/qualifications and place me in the school and grade they determined (based also on where and what grade they need teachers in). I told her that wouldn't work because I only wanted to teach pre-school at that campus. What she said next has gnawed at me all day, she told me it was VERY unlikely I would get to teach pre-school because I am male, and they rarely have male pre-school teachers. She said that parents are more comfortable with female teachers, even through the early elementary years. I am offended by this, I wouldn't care if my child had a male teacher, but maybe I'm the exception. I am curious what other people think, are they really uncomfortable with a male teaching their young kids? Is the worry that a guy must be a pedophile because he wants to teach young children? It probably just goes back to sexist societal views, like the gym teacher is supposed to be a man, or women should should stay home birthing babies. As a stay at home dad, I thought we were getting past a lot of those bias's. It reminds me of when I worked retail, and a woman shopper would ask for one of the women to gift wrap, because I was a guy and wouldn't do it well. Sometimes I'd let it go, but mostly I would say "sure, but I'm the one who taught everyone else to wrap, and am better at it. But if you want, someone else can wrap for you". I don't like sexism, or being told what I can/can't do, but I guess the point is moot, since I don't want to go through the process if I can't teach at the campus and grade I want. It's okay, I probably don't fit their ideal in many ways, other than I would do a great job, I love kids, and kids love me, but I'm not what they're looking for.
I guess it's back to the drawing board for what to do, I'm willing to take suggestions and ideas if anyone has any. I'm sure to keep me from becoming a serial blogger, people will come up with lots of ideas. In the mean time, I'll imagine how little I can get accomplished with all that extra time alone this fall.

The Helenator!

In a first, I am writing a blog based on a request. After the blog about my grandfather, my mother in law (MIL) asked me to write one about her mom, my wife's grandmother. Due to my love and devotion for my MIL, I am gladly typing away.


The Helenator (as my wife's grandmother will henceforth be referred to) is quite the force of nature, and can be summed up with one term......spitfire! She may not always leave the best impression, but she definitely leaves one. The first time I met her she left one on me, literally. I was at my MIL's store she owned to see my future wife, but we had only been dating a few weeks. I was standing at the counter, when I received a swift kick in the ass. Wheeling around, I was surprised to see my attacker, a short stout woman in her sixties, who looked like she was ready to give it another go. I wasn't sure how to respond, luckily my wife intervened to introduce us. The Helenator can be very playful, but beware of entering into any gamesmanship, because she is a ruthless competitor, especially at cards. You have to be a strong person to play cards with her, because she plays for blood, and is a poor winner and an even worse loser. She's like a child, who will pick up their toys and go home if they're not winning. That does not happen often, one because she is good, but also unbelievably lucky. She always seems to win when she gambles, but will never reveal how much she wins. She takes her winnings, puts them in her purse, and then is elusive when answering how she did, "ohhh, I did all right, I think I'm a little ahead".


The Helenator is kind of like a magnet, she can quickly change her polarization, and she can alternately repel and attract. An example, she knows what she wants which is good, the bad, is that she is going to get it one way or another. Her behavior at restaurants is legendary. A well off woman since I have known her, I was shocked the first time at a restaurant when she started loading up her purse with sweetener packets and creamer and then rolled up the leftover roll in napkins and stuck them in there too. It wouldn't have been a normal meal out with the Helenator if she didn't return or complain about some part of her order. One time on a trip in Europe with my wife, her parents, and her grandparents, we stopped in a place to grab a drink. The Helenator wanted coffee, and the giant dispenser was empty, she would not be denied and started berating the employees to make her some (this was late in the afternoon and the place was closing soon). At this point her husband turns and quietly walked out the door shaking his head, he had been to this rodeo before and didn't want to watch.



In a sad twist to this tale, the Helenator passed away before I could finish it. Her spirit and spunk will be greatly missed, and I'm sure she's stirring up trouble wherever she is.



Just a few last memories to share. I remember going to the horse races with her. She wouldn't ever tell us what horse she was betting, but she always seemed to win more than any of us, of course she never would tell us how much she won. One time J and I were roped into helping at party the Helenator and her husband were having for friends. Up until that point (it was early in our dating) I had really only seen a prim and proper side of J's grandparents. That party showed a whole other side, there is nothing like a couple in their early 20's trying to lead a group of inebriated, hard of hearing group of sixty-somethings in a game of pictionary that they don't understand how to play.

Ode to a stubborn Dutchman

Had an interesting time today, I took my grandfather to the VA hospital to see a cardiologist. Seems his daughters (my mother and two aunts) wanted someone there to corroborate what the doctor said. My grandfather took it to mean they thought he was getting senile and couldn't be trusted to go to the doctor alone. Offended, he didn't want any of them to come. I offered to go instead, figuring someone should be there and he would be okay since I didn't question his mental fitness. I was okay to go, since I hadn't insinuated anything about his mental fitness. I love my grandfather, I aspire to be the kind of man he was and is, honest, kind, strong, helpful, giving, loving, tough, and stubborn. At 86, he is still all of those things, although in a frail physical shell of what he once was. His legs bow, and his back bends, but he is a mightily proud man still, and it saddens me to see him physically towards his end. The blessing is that his mind is still sharp, although his hearing has been suspect for years (I have a sneaking suspicion that oftentimes it's just selective listening). To be able to talk and remember with him is priceless, especially after witnessing dementia in friends and family.

My grandfather still lives in the same house that my mother lived in as a child, taking care of my grandmother who can no longer walk and himself. You will not see a more devoted husband, and this is to my grandmother, who can be a cranky, bitter, nagging old hag a lot of the time (even still, she is my grandmother, and I love her dearly). He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, he is the caretaker. I hope to be such a wonderful husband for as long. He still drives...... like a bat out of hell, just call him lead foot. He still tends to his huge garden as he has always done. I still remember eating carrots, cucumbers, and peas, straight from the yard washed off with the hose. He still wants to live, but with his pride, if those things were taken from him he might not be around long after. My grandmother on the other hand likes to say she wants to die, I just ask her not to say it in front of my boys. I love that my boys have had the opportunity to know them, many people don't get the chance to know their grandparents, let alone their great-grandparents. I was lucky enough to grow up next door to my great grandmother, and still harbor many fond memories of her. I hope my boys will do the same.

Mine is a special relationship with my grandfather. My parents divorced when I was six weeks, and up until my mother remarried when I was five, he was the father figure in my life. Even after that, he played a close role in my life. Since both my parents worked, many of my after school days were spent at their house. His whole life he was in amazing physical shape despite bad knees and the nightly bowl of ice cream before bed which I loved to have with him. Then there were the fishing trips, and the rock hounding expeditions. I'm not exactly sure what rock hounding is, or what we were doing hiking around the mountains with hammers and heavy duty canvas bags, but I know it was always fun to go with him. I think he longed to be a prospector and discover gold. They were always educational trips too, my grandfather is a font of knowledge. Which was impressive, because he was mostly self taught through sheer will and determination in the desire to learn and gain knowledge. He had joined the Merchant Marines before he was eighteen, and never went to college, I think he would have really enjoyed it. He was a also tireless worker, trying to provide for his family. There were no breaks when doing things with my grandfather, you worked until the job was done, and he would never get tired. I don't think he let any one do anything for him until he hit his eighties. He is also the toughest man I have ever known. He was always crushing his thumb, or opening a cut, blood would be gushing everywhere, but he would act like it was nothing. He was like the Black Knight from Monty Python, "merely a flesh wound". He'd hold a towel on it, then maybe put some super glue on it to stop the bleeding. The worst he'd ever say was "well that will frost you!" or "oh for hell's sake!". Often times the second phrase would be followed by my grandmothers name, because of something she had said. I remember times in the kitchen with him baking bread, making candles, and his holiday favorite "oly bolies" (oliebol or oily balls). They were a Dutch pastry which he loved to make. I couldn't stand them, but I'd always eat one with a smile and tell him how good they were. Grandpa was great telling stories, but my favorite didn't come till I was grown and married. My wife and I had come to visit, and got to hear the story of how as a young married man he had lost my grandparents savings playing pinball. I almost fell over in laughter, I thought my grandmother might strangle him. I love that he often laughs, and can laugh at himself. If something was particularly funny you would get "oh my heart, my heart" as he would laugh and clutch his chest. One thing has always been steadfast with my grandfather, the fact that he is a stubborn Dutchman (witness above and his doctor appointment). Once his mind is set, there is no turning back. He makes a decision and it's full steam ahead, and come hell or high water he's sticking to it. You always know what you are going to get from my grandpa, he's the same no matter what, and he'll tell you straight. You really see how wise he is, because he knows when to keep quiet and stay out of things, probably to make up for my grandmother who often lacks a filter on her mouth. And that pretty much sums up the greatness that is my grandfather.

Reading this back, it almost sounds like a eulogy, and maybe that's what I'm doing, trying to prepare myself for that sad day. There's a song by Harvey Danger called "Jack the Lion", and every time I listen, it reminds me of my grandfather and the sad day of him "roaring his last". Happily the doctor said that shouldn't be any time soon, his heart looks good, although it's got some extra beats, nothing a stubborn Dutchman can't deal with.

Dr Frankenstein at your service

It seems I may have created a monster. Those close to me know my affinity (or obsession if you ask my wife) for sports and their fantasy counterparts. My dad always used to say that if someone was sweating on tv I would watch it. As I have grown up I've refined that a bit to basketball and football, with some golf thrown in. O has foregone interest for the most part, but Q has shown some interest, but was too small to understand much. That all changed this past fall, as a four year old, he is now old enough to understand a lot of what's going on. I was excited to have him want to use his season ticket to U football games. That was only the beginning, the NBA season started and his interest exploded. He knew the Jazz players from a poster he had and a few of the other superstars, but now he is like a walking basketball almanac. He can tell you teams and who plays for them and what number they are. I was shocked by how he knew all the players numbers, but then we realized it's because he's just starting to read and could only tell numbers, not names.

Q is a bit of a front runner, his favorite team is Miami, mostly because his favorite player is LeBron (he even used his own money from his birthday to buy a half off Cleveland jersey). I figure it could be worse, it could be Kobe and the Lakers, then I'd have to disown him. Actually, the only team he is forbidden to EVER root for is byu. A couple of months ago, the Jazz played in Miami against the Heat. It turned into an epic game where the Jazz came back from a huge deficit to force overtime. Q consistently cheered positive Miami plays, never wavering in his support. Ultimately the Jazz prevailed in OT to my cheering. At this point Q, who was in front of me watching, turns around with tears streaming down his face. I ask why? "Because Miami lost", trying to stifle a laugh, I took him in my arms and comforted him. At that moment I knew I had created a bit of a sports fanatic monster.
Things have only grown since then. O asks to see my iPhone to play Angry Birds and Plant Vs Zombies, Q asks for it so he can see who is playing that day or who is winning. We watch tv and he asks what game is on he can watch. In the morning he no longer wants to watch Curious George, he wants NBA Gametime or Sportscenter. I finally, after much nagging from him, got him his own fantasy basketball team (he's very upset football season is over and he didn't get his own team). He can tell you all about the players on his team, who they play for, and what they are good at. He is especially taken by Blake Griffin and Kevin Love on his team, but doesn't understand why I can't trade for LeBron for him. He can also tell you about the recent Orlando and Phoenix trade. He can name all the Jazz players and their numbers, including who the rookies are. He can tell you where former Jazz players are now. For Christmas he got basketball and football trading cards which he constantly peruses and tells you about. Ask him what he got for Christmas, and he will tell you he got NBA Jam for the Wii (and basketball shoes). It is now his favorite activity and all he wants to play, even over the Kinect we got. If we watch NFL games he can tell you the teams, and some players, he even knows Drew Brees is QB for New Orleans and was mommies fantasy league QB. He always picks who he wants to win and has his favorite teams, the Bengals, the Cowboys, and the Arizona Cardinals, although he calls them the Arizona Birdies. He also faithfully roots against the Broncos, much to his Charger fan daddy's delight. Sometimes I just have to sit back and laugh at him, but it is pretty fun having a partner for the games. I think my wife dreads having two of us in the house.

Summer- Lessons and more

Before summer started, I was concerned how the boys would handle the lack of a defined schedule. I tried to plan activities like swim lessons and other classes, but knew those wouldn't take up much of the days. So much for my worries, the boys have been fine to do whatever, especially if it meant a fun activity or playing video games. On the other hand, it's killing me, I want my routine back. I can't exercise consistently, probably haven't eaten as well, haven't written a blog in weeks, and just don't seem to get things done. I never would have guessed I would be the one craving routine. To go along with that, I had forgotten what an ordeal it was to take both boys to do errands. The grocery store was the worst, if they weren't whining and foot dragging, then were pushing the cart and almost crashing it. If they weren't harassing me to buy something, then they were pushing/shoving/grabbing/hugging/kissing (yes kissing, but only to annoy, not in affection). I probably should have taken Valium before we went, or a high blood pressure pill afterward. Taking just one on errands is fine, but for some reason the two together turn into different children, with no sense of what is appropriate public behavior. It's like a chemical experiment where two elements in separate viles are harmless, but when mixed they blow up the room. This of course is not to say I haven't enjoyed my summer and being able to spend more time with the boys. It's actually been a quite remarkable couple of months.

It's been a summer of breakthroughs of sorts. I went to a high school reunion for the first time and got to see and visit with people I hadn't seen in 20 years. J has been great about taking more time off work, enjoying a staycation with her mom and sister, and just random days to do things together as a family. Q after his fourth birthday and a brief chat, gave up his binkies that he used to sleep. He just quit cold turkey, with nary a complaint, I was shocked how easy it was. Then there is O, he has made some huge strides overcoming his anxiety this summer. It started with his swimming lessons. In the past he steadfastly refused to go underwater, clinging to his teacher, begging not to. He hated to float on his back as well, and would routinely try to talk his way out of performing many of the acts his teachers requested. At his first couple of lessons this year he was reticent, but he wore his goggles and became more comfortable. Three sessions in, and now he is like a fish, spending half his time underwater, floating alone, and not wanting to come out of the pool. We also took the boys to the local amusement park, where O showed no hesitation in going on all the roller coasters (the faster the better) and most other rides. He does not share my fear of heights. He still wouldn't go on the haunted house type rides, but that seemed pretty reasonable to me. For the first time this summer, O also attended a day camp where I dropped him off and came back later to pick him up. That may not sound like much, but in the past he's always had me stay during his classes (outside of school) and such that he took. This is the child who I had to lie to and tell him that I was waiting for him in the parking lot the whole time while he was in preschool. So it was pretty big that I left him there. One last success, although it hasn't been fully realized, is our backyard vegetable garden. We haven't harvested much yet, but things are growing great and if nothing else we'll have more tomatoes than we'll know what to do with.

I don't know if this is really an accomplishment, but I did have a nine day stretch where I ate dinner in a restaurant on eight of them. I wouldn't have thought it would happen, but I got tired of going out. I just wanted to have a nice quiet home cooked meal. The most remarkable part was that I managed to not gain weight. Despite not making the time to exercise as much as I would like, I've been maintaining my weight within a couple of pounds. Down almost twenty pounds from when I started to eat right and exercise. Once school starts again, I plan to be better in consistently working out, and I imagine I will settle in about 5-10lbs less than where I am now. That will put me around 200, and I think that's probably about where I am supposed to be.

I figured I should write this blog, so that I didn't go an entire month without posting, not that anyone notices, but it made sense in my mind. I've had about 4 or 5 blogs I've intended to write and never did. Hopefully once school starts inspiration will continue to strike, and with my routine intact I will post more. In the meantime, don't expect much, the summer sun and grocery shopping with my boys turns my brain to mush.

Reunion- Reservations and Ruminations

I attended my younger brother's high school graduation on Sunday, which isn't unusual in itself, except that he was graduating from the same high school I did twenty years after me. Yes, I have a brother nineteen years younger than me, in theory he could have been graduating with the children of people I went to school with. Putting that aside, the more vexing part to me is that my twenty year high school reunion is this summer. I have not been to any of my previous reunions, and I can't quite decide if I should attend this one. In the past I haven't given them a second thought, but for some reason I can't get this one out of my mind. I guess it is the milestone nature of 20 years, or perhaps curiosity about people I graduated with. Consuming me more are thoughts back to those days and how I fit in then and how I fit in now. Those were not the halcyon days for me. I spent freshman year with an ulcer, and looking back I never quite found my "place". I tried acting in plays, I ran cross country, but it wasn't an exact fit with those crowds, I was too insecure to excel at drama and I wasn't any good at running. I liked sports, but never had played any organized and lacked the confidence (and probably skill) to try out, I was not a jock. I was smart, but not an overachiever or uber brain. Probably my biggest problem was that I never gave a full effort at anything, academics or activities, which contributed to not finding a fit. Insecurity is a bitch, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffered from that affliction, it's the nature of high school, but it can sure slow lane any chance at success. At least I never fell victim to any high school stereotype. Some people find themselves and their place in the world in high school, I didn't. It took me well into my adult life to be comfortable with myself, and forge a stable identity.

Back then, I had my 3 or 4 good friends, and we'd do our thing. I'd like to see them at reunion, but most aren't going. I was trying to think of who I would like to see at the reunion, but apparently either I didn't like many people in high school, or many people didn't like me, because I was coming up pretty empty. Which seems kind of funny to me now, since I like to think I can get along with a great variety of people and in differing situations. Then again most of those are temporary and/or occasional (think family and work functions) not four year long commitments. Yeah, it's probably just me and I don't like a lot of people. Of course if you're reading this I'm sure your one of the people I actually like.

In the last 10 years, I've only seen one friend from high school on purpose, and that's only been a few times. If it weren't for Facebook, I'd have almost no idea about anyone from school. (You've got to love the interwebs to feed your voyeuristic impulses about people from your past.) For some, they made their friends for adulthood in high school, not me. That's not to say I wouldn't or couldn't be friends with people from high school as an adult, things just wouldn't be the same. As the saying goes, you can never go back. We're all in different circumstances now, and all different people.

I'm not sure what my "place" will be at the reunion, but I'm pretty sure I'll go (as long as Tony does). It may be a waste, it may be fun, but I'll never know unless I go. At least it will be a night out without kids and I'll get to be with my wife which alone makes it worth it.

Rant part deux!

I'm not really a political person, although I do make sure to vote. Don't get me wrong, I most definitely have my ideas, I just mostly keep them to myself. Not worth arguing about usually. I'd like to continue with the idea that I need to quit reading and watching documentaries and the news, since it alternately pisses me off and scares the hell out of me. Mostly I worry about the future of our country and planet and what kind of shape it's going to be in for my boys as they grow up. I can make my own personal efforts to make a difference for me and my family, but usually feel helpless on a larger scale. This becomes especially true living in Utah with a liberal viewpoint. There I said it, I am, "gasp", a liberal. I don't know where or when that became such a dirty word, but I think it's time it was embraced again. Not that I really have any answers, I am not educated enough or well versed enough to provide them, but I have had these thought roiling around in my head for a few weeks and wanted to get them out.



To fix what ails this country you need to go the base or root of the issue and work up from there. To start, everything comes back to money, so if you want to find any answers follow the money. That brings me to my first thought, to bring about any significant change (on the government side of things), whether it be in health care, finance reform, or anything for that matter, there will first have to be campaign finance reform. Politicians spend far too much time trying to rake in contributions when they should be governing. Then of course there is all the influence those contributions bring, and you can't tell me it doesn't, because if it didn't work you wouldn't be seeing the millions poured into campaigns. That flow needs to be shut off. I'm not sure how or if it would work, but I think there needs to be strictly government funded elections with no private donations. With the way news coverage is everywhere and the ease with which information can be distributed online, I have to believe there is no need for exorbitantly priced campaigns. Bring back going door to door to spread your message, or town halls, or even online forums. Those who vote on the issues will seek out the information, for those who vote strictly based on what animal is next to your name the information doesn't matter anyway. Maybe without corporate money influences, there can be more honest open debate about what's best for the population as a whole.



Last week Exxon Mobil announced earnings for the first three months of the year of $6.3 billion dollars. Are you kidding me in three months they profited $6 billion dollars? That is difficult to comprehend that much money. Ford Motor company posted first quarter profits of $2 billion dollars (pre-tax). I kind of think corporations could be paying a little higher taxes on these obscene profits. I don't buy that taxing them more is going to shut down the economy, especially with all the millions they'll be saving by not having to donate to campaigns.



Health care has gotten out of control we're paying more and more, and receiving less care, and it just seems to continue to spiral upward. The health care bill was great for getting insurance for uninsured, but it really didn't address the problems of what the system is doing to everyone else. I haven't got a clue what to do about that. What I do think is that people need to try and live healthier lives, try to make people healthy before they get sick. If we go to a large root of the problem, it is what and the way people eat. I heard a statistic on TV that in twenty years, 75% of the population of Texas will be obese. People need to become educated about where there food comes from, and what it is we are eating. I think the documentaries Food Inc. and the World According to Monsanto, should be required viewing for everyone. I know it's not feasible to feed the world organically, but what food industry corporations have done to our food supply is criminal. What may be worse is what has been done to the government oversight of the industry and the departments that are supposed to keep citizens safe and healthy. I would really like there to be labelling for any food I purchase that has been genetically modified, I don't think that's too much to ask. Some of the information about food is really scary. As a corollary to this, people need to get off their ass and do something, anything, just be a little bit more active. I feel that if people lived healthier, then we wouldn't have as many reasons to go the the doctor, and maybe health care costs could come down.

I am of the general opinion that the US should not be policing the world. I don't feel we belong in Iraq or Afghanistan, but I'm not sure how we leave, or even if we should at this point. I would really like it for all the troops to come home, not sure if they can. The fact that we spend thirty times as much on defense as the next highest country is ridiculous. Maybe it's time we looked at pairing that down to say fifteen times as much, we should still be safe, and I bet we might be able to lower the national debt. There are enough domestic problems to worry about without trying to fix places halfway around the world that are trying to blow us up for being there.

I'm not touching immigration. No easy or good answers.

We are falling behind the rest of the world when it comes to education. This should not happen. Teaching needs to become an honored profession again, complete with the financial incentive to make it worth it. How can we hope to have a bright future unless we can educate the next generation to lead us there? Maybe some of that military savings could go toward education as well.

I'm slowing down on my rant, I think it's time to pack it in. I feel so much better now! Always good to get things off your chest! Maybe now I can go back to writing funny things about my kids, only 6 weeks left of school, not sure what's going to happen after that.

I feel a rant coming on

I told my dad the other day that I needed to quit watching documentaries and reading books, because it was freaking me out and pissing me off. Apparently I've got to quit reading my sons monthly school newsletter as well. The last few have each had a little article about freedom, this month it is on the impact of freedom on the economy. I think Glen Beck would be very proud of this article. "When government intrudes upon trade, one or both parties are forced to sacrifice their choice in the terms of the trade, as in the recent government mandate that banks lend financially unsound mortgages. Such actions lead to the loss of property rights and therefore a loss of LIFE.". What? I must have missed that mandate. But wait, there's more. "Over the years agents of the US government have exerted more control over the economy, claiming that a free market of labor and wages would result in massive unemployment. Their "logic" says that when people save their money, they hurt the economy and cause unemployment. This is why they believe that the government must step in and redistribute the wealth." Again, what? There has been massive deregulation for the last 20 plus years, many of which have at least partially caused the economic problems among other problems as well. And who in the hell are the "agents", "they", and "their" in that paragraph. I'm beginning to wonder if my boys are attending the Fox News of private schools. The article also contends that US fiscal policy "promotes unreal economic stimulation through invented public projects (the bridges to nowhere). This Keynesian economic approach has resulted in
-a national debt of almost $13 trillion, an increase of 50% since 2006
-severe mortgage defaults, with a new wave on the near horizon
-1.41 million Americans filing personal bankruptcy in 2009
-a perceived devaluation of the US dollar, threatening its world status
-37 million Americans on food stamps and 50% of the population who pay no income tax
-decreased corporate profits, resulting in 55% reduction in September 2009 tax receipts
-unemployment of 15 million people, 6 million for 27 weeks or more"

I'm no economist, but seriously, how can you blame all this on Keynesian economic policy of the government. I'm pretty sure we've been involved in an overseas quagmire of a war contributing a large amount of that debt. I'm worried that I'm going to have to check to see if my son's textbooks are being printed in Texas. Next the article says " 'Un-free' economics leads to rights violations---just consider how, in order to bail out General Motors, the government confiscated and appropriated shareholder and dealer property. Such injustice would never be upheld by free enterprise---the only true economic system for a free society." Really? Pretty sure GM was begging for money and would have done anything to get it.

I'm not advocating for the downfall of capitalism, I just think this article takes quite a bit of liberty and huge jumps in logic. I'm also wondering what place it has in a school newsletter (it's a private school with many campuses in 4 states and this is the whole group newsletter). The point made at the very end is that the school's mission to "prepare children to become self reliant, productive individuals is not just an abstract idea. We encourage them to think and work for themselves and to cherish their freedoms and defend their individual rights." That last sentence sounds like my son is part of a militia (a quick Google search of the school founder pulled up her political donations, which were heavily conservative and included donations to the Minuteman PAC, so no suprise there), but I do hope my boys do learn to think and decide for themselves. I don't want them to believe the overly simplistic load of crap in this article. I'm not even going into the economic allegory (Mr. Capital in Free Isle) that goes with article the tells of the honest capitalist businessman whose life is brought to ruin by government interference. Not that I wasn't before, but I am obviously going to have to pay attention to what my sons are being taught. I'm not going to pull the boys out because of this, we've been very happy with the education they've been receiving, but I do question the judgement shown in printing the article. I find it unconscionable that a learning institution can play so loose and fast with the facts, I'll make sure my boys learn to properly research what they write for school.

Whole Paychecks

I've been at this attempt to exercise and be healthier for 11 weeks now. I've lost over ten pounds, changed around the foods we've had in the house, and driven everyone a little crazy. I think it's gotten to where you can see a difference in the way I look, my jeans I bought 6 months ago are definitely looser on me. The exercise has become easier too. Instead of avoiding them, and the workouts being a chore, I now want to go work out and do more and for longer as well. I worked out 6 days last week, of course I gained a pound too, we'll say it must be muscle. What I decided with all of this though is that I have chosen the hard way of things. You have to plan and take the time to workout, that's part of it. What is really the hard part (and it turns out to be the expensive part too) is the eating. It's not so much the missing out on fatty foods or sweets or things like that, it's more the inconveniences. It is easier to buy prepared foods or go out to eat. I have chosen to try and eat and cook for me and my family organically as much as possible. Now I am not militant about this or a zealot about it, I'm not willing to make those kinds of sacrifices or put my ideas on anyone else (sometimes I wish I could). I also don't think anyone needs to make accommodations for me if I come to their house. I also like to eat out at restaurants, and not too many are organic, so I have to overlook that when we go out. For the summer we will have fresh produce from a CSA, but for now without it means shopping mostly at Whole Foods or Whole Paychecks as I recently heard it referred to. It's no wonder that obesity is rampant in poorer communities, it's expensive to try and eat healthy. It's a lot easier and cheaper to hit McD's. That brings up another difficult aspect of this, my kids. On the whole my kids usually eat pretty healthy, but they are constantly bombarded with advertising to do otherwise. Fast food and their toys are the worst. The boys have not been happy about their reduction in happy meals. I'm not so mean that they can't ever have them, but I've also made it clear that it will be rare. I also still let them have the kids cereals (Lucky Charms and the such), we all grew up on them, so it's hard to deny them those. But I'll also cook them eggs or pancakes anytime they want instead. I don't want to deprive them of anything or make something more desirable by forbidding it. It still is hard to make them understand what is and isn't healthy and why it is important to try and be healthy. In the long run I think we'll all be better off for my efforts, and I think it will get easier as I do it more, and as society shifts its views as well. As for me, I still have a ways to go in my healthy efforts and exercise as I work towards looking like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. I can have my pipe dreams still can't I? I also have to survive vacation next week too, not sure what's going to happen with the diet and exercise there.

The return of crabby daddy

It's nearing the end of another of my pseudo-single parenthood periods, aka J's busy season at work. I have to say this one hasn't been too bad. It is only recently that there have been intermittent visits from "crabby daddy", my cranky alter ego. Crabby daddy comes out when every little thing his boys do drives him crazy. It wasn't until after a week of spring break togetherness that he appeared this year. He comes about naturally, because after hearing a nagging voice for 24/7 for week (ie, stop that, don't do that, be quiet, get off your brother, put down the knife, for the love of god please be quiet for two minutes), it's easy to tune out that voice. Tuning out the voice and not listening brings out crabby daddy. Maybe it's the boys getting older (or me getting older), or maybe it's that they are back in school again this week, but crabby's visits have been brief and fairly rare.

One other result of this time of year appears to be my complete lack of accountability in keeping up the house. I'll start the dishes, but then not finish, or clean off half the kitchen table. Children's toys are scattered every which way. The place looks like a tornado hit it, but I guess that happens when J is too tired to say anything about it when she gets home. Since she's too busy to do anything about it, I also don't have to feel guilty about her cleaning up. I know I should keep things up, but my conscience alone hasn't been enough to do it. The cleaning lady comes Friday, so I'll have to have it picked up by then, I just hope I can.

This year we are heading straight out on vacation at the end of busy season, no lag time, which means I'll be doing all the prep for the trip. That's fine as long as the boys cooperate and don't get too worked up. Not sure who I'm kidding with that last sentence, it's a trip and children, they'll be bouncing off the walls. We may remember why we usually don't leave immediately... too stressful! It's a trip we've taken before so hopefully that will help, because nobody wants crabby daddy on the trip.

What my 3 year old thinks of me

This could be the funniest picture I have ever taken. I could see this on the front of a greeting card, maybe not a very nice card. To start there is the obvious single finger salute, coming from a three year old=comic gold. Then you combine that with the chocolate covered mouth and spoon in the other hand. What truly makes the picture is the eyes, look at those eyes, what mischievous eyes those are. You can almost picture a little devil sitting on his shoulder, whispering in his ear to give his dad the finger. I didn't see anything but the chocolate when I snapped the picture, it wasn't until I checked that I noticed everything else, and then about fell over laughing. To be fair he doesn't know about flipping the bird, he actually points with that finger (a habit I'm trying to break). And the picture came out that way because he was licking the chocolate off his finger and I told him to take it out of his mouth. Guess he showed me. Looking at his eyes does make me wonder if he didn't have a little clue of what he was doing. The picture is much funnier without the context, but I felt I should explain to lessen the idea that I am a degenerate parent. So enjoy and make up your own story to go along with the photo, it's better that way.

Mid-life peanut butter crisis

The other day my wife asked me if I was going through a mid-life crisis. Did I go by a sports car? Start dying my hair? Try dating college age girls? No, I changed the kind of peanut butter we get. I guess it's not quite that simple. I've been exercising (which she's been trying to get me to do more for years) and trying to eat better and buy healthy food (kind of driving the family a little crazy with that, i.e. quinoa instead of rice recently). I also haven't cut my hair in 3-4 months, but nothing that would constitute a crisis. Really what this change stems from is a book I've been reading, The Omnivore's Dilemma. It's a fascinating look at what and how we eat, and where that food comes from. It's not like I've suddenly turned vegan (not that there is anything wrong with that), but I'm trying to be more aware of what kind of food I buy, where it comes from and how it is grown. I even just purchased a half share in a CSA (community supported agriculture) for the summer and fall, so that we get fresh locally grown produce. My wife will tell you I have become a little obsessed about the book. For me, I just find it so interesting, that I want to talk about it, with any body and everybody, anytime they will listen. For instance, I knew the U.S. grew a lot of corn and that it was subsidized by the government to a great degree, but to get the history of the corn and how it came to be such a huge part of everything, was eye opening. I also never knew cows were not supposed to be eating corn, that their stomachs can't process it and that's a large part of why they need so many antibiotics. It shouldn't have surprised me, but I never realized how industrial "organic" growing had become. I don't want to blather on and get preachy, people can eat however they want, I just want to try and make good decisions for not only my families health, but for the better health of the earth too. Right now that means peanut butter made from peanuts (and maybe some salt), with nothing hydrogenated in it. Hopefully the boys and J can live with some of the changes to our diet (they aren't fond of the new peanut butter), and be healthier for it in the end. As far as the hair goes, not sure why I haven't cut it, that may be a sign for the mid-life crisis. Maybe I should start wearing my earring again, or get a tattoo that says organic in Chinese letters. In the meantime, I highly recommend The Omnivore's Dilemma, thanks to all that told me about it.

The date that ended all other dates

Yesterday was the 18th anniversary of my first date with my wife, so I thought it a good time to remember that fateful day. A few days earlier at work a cute girl had come in with her mother shopping. At the prodding of her mother she asked me out for the following Saturday, and with that, fate had been set in motion. Due to the little we knew of each other, we decided to both bring a friend to make it a little more comfortable. We met up in a central location, and then went all together in one car. We parked across the street and then walked to the Salt Palace (see how long ago this was, back before it was the convention center, goodness I am getting old!). We were there to attend a very special event, the travelling version of American Gladiators! That old TV show was so good they made a new version a couple of years ago, and they hardly ever do that with old TV shows. I haven't seen any remakes of the A-Team! What's that? There is a new movie coming out? Oh. What about Knight Rider, that was classic. That too? Dukes of Hazzard? Bewitched? Never mind, there is no originality left in the media. Back to my story, we attended this holy event, I really don't remember much of it. I know they had local people competing including some local frat boys. I do remember liking my date, and that our friends were far from hitting it off. So after the show we ditched them and continued on together. We must have eaten something, I'm sure my wife could tell you what and where. I should have done a fact check with her before I wrote it, but where is the fun in that, much better to have things as I remember them. After dinner we went back to her house and I met her parents. J seemed quite conservative (read LDS) to me so I was quite happy to see her dad drinking beer when we met. Not that at 19 I drank beer, because that would have been against the law (just in case my boys ever read this). It went well, of course it did, parents always loved me. I know we ended up watching Saturday Night Live, and I think I got lucky too. Okay not really, there was no way that was happening. I can't even remember if I got a kiss, but if I did that was waaaayyy out of character for J, and probably was me taking one. She was/is much more sweet and innocent than I have ever been. After that I went on one date with another girl and that was the end of it, there was no comparison. What started as an all-day date, ended up being an all-life date. I couldn't be any happier or luckier for that. So I write this to commemorate the last eighteen years with the love of my life my wife. And a big thank you to my mother-in-law for picking up on me for her shy daughter and forcing her to ask me out. I will always have a fond place in my heart for those American Gladiators.