Not really a resolution.

I wanted to do this post a few weeks ago, but then was busy doing holiday stuff. Then with New Year's, I didn't want to write it and have it sound like a New Year resolution post. I don't do resolutions, they aren't part of my make-up, I'm not a big goal setter. On the other hand, my wife, big time goal setter, she has trouble doing something without a goal attached to it. Which is great, it works for her, not me (although I think she would like it if I had couple of goals). I like to go with the flow, make it through day to day, not stress about future things. Good thing my wife takes care of our retirement plans.



Rewind a few weeks ago, I had a bad day, got angry with the boys, just one of those ugly days. Afterwards I was mainly disappointed in myself, I decided I was letting everyone down, but mostly myself. So I decided I was going to make a concerted effort to be a better father, be a better husband, keep a better house, be healthier, basically just be a better person. I did not share this with anyone, it was a deal just with myself. Since that time I have tried, sometimes with more success than others.

I have tried to be a better dad, play with the boys more, give them more attention, not yell and be angry with them, have them watch less tv. O's improved behavior helps me greatly in this.

Christmas was hell on the house, and it has taken a while, but it has gotten put back together. I'm trying to keep it that way and not let it get out of control, mostly by doing things as I see them. An example would be not letting the dishes pile up in the sink for multiple days. Also trying to have rooms a little more organized where everything has it's place.

Being healthier I put off till after the holidays, I just decided to screw it while all the treats were around. I had a mental deadline of January 1st to quit eating crappy, and I'm doing well so far (other than the half a tub of butter pecan slow churned ice cream I ate the other night), next I just need to incorporate some exercise. With my 20 year high school reunion coming up I would like to lose some weight and get in better shape for it, although I'm not sure exactly why. I'm not sure I'm going (I've never gone to any before), and if I do, I don't know who I'd be trying to impress. If you asked me, I'd tell you I don't give a shit what anyone would think of me, but I still feel like I need to show up there 20 pounds lighter. So healthier is an evolving work. I've also tried to cook more meals at home and have food around so we don't eat out as much.



Being a better husband is where I think I may be slipping a little bit, and I think this post is a bit of an apology to my wife. Don't get me wrong I am a damn fine husband, and my wife is lucky to have me! However, keeping to myself my desire to improve, has made me sensitive to criticism. Simple discussions or requests devolved into me becoming quite defensive. Damn it, doesn't she know I'm trying? Actually, no she doesn't! So in a sad twist, my attempt to be a better husband has made me worse. Sorry my love for getting so defensive about keeping the kitchen clean, not yelling at the boys, and wanting to keep the weight machine, but I'm trying!

Overall I think I am a pretty good person, kind, polite, and considerate. I may not be making a huge contribution to society, but I'll work my way to that little by little. In the mean time, I'll keep working on improving myself.

Aliens have abducted my child

This is a follow up to a blog I posted in October about O's sleeping habits/anxiety, and how we were considering medication for him. After a lot of thought, consideration, and consultation with O's doctor and therapist, we decided to try O on some medication for his anxiety. Children with anxiety are usually prescribed an anti-depressant, like Prozac or Zoloft, O is taking Fluoxetine, the generic Prozac. I am happy to say that O's behavior and coping have improved greatly. I didn't want to influence any opinions on O's behavior, so we didn't tell many people he had started taking it. After 4 weeks I called his teacher to see her impressions, and she said his behavior was much better the preceding 2 weeks. I asked his instructor at the Little Gym who's known O for a few years, and she said he handled things and acted better in class. I asked his acting class teacher, she said his behavior had been like night and day the last couple of weeks. It confirmed what my wife and I had thought, that the medication was helping. We had removed the crib mattress from our room, and O was now sleeping in his room all night. He also was down to waking up only once or twice, usually for a bathroom break, and currently has slept through the night 6 of the last 7 nights. We're working towards eliminating the need for him to wake us up, but it's a process, and things are much better overall. O has been a model child since Christmas, he even volunteered to set the table for dinner. He has been doing things he never would have done before like going downstairs alone or watching A Nightmare Before Christmas. He still will occasionally lose control of his emotions, but those are rare, and he now regains control and gets over things much quicker. He's even being more patient with his brother, playing with him more, reading to him, and helping him do things. All in all, it's been like having a new boy, he's still the same O we love, but with a new improved calming software update. We'll reevaluate O every 6 months to decide how the medicine is working and if we need to change anything. Hopefully at some point sooner rather than later we can take him off the meds. In the meantime we'll continue too enjoy the sleep and watching him flourish uninhibited by his anxieties.

Christmas Cards

What is it about Christmas cards? We put so much effort into creating and sending them, but for what reason? I have to admit I like getting them. I get giddy with excitement each day when I check the mail to see if I got any. But I'm not really sure what the point is. There is the notion of tradition, but where did it come from. After an exhaustive search (okay I just checked out wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Christmas_card&oldid=332469173) I learn ed that not surprisingly Christmas cards were started as way to make money. Sir Henry Cole of London had helped introduce the Penny Post and later started Christmas cards as a way to get people to mail more letters and make him more money. Amazing a Christmas tradition that is all about making money? Next you're going to tell me the toy companies have a vested interest in Santa Claus? So throw tradition out the window, do we do them to keep in touch? With the interweb and social networking it's a lot easier to keep up with people now days, but there are quite a few on my card list that this is the only contact we have from year to year. However a picture in front of the fireplace in matching red sweaters doesn't tell me much. There are those that include the "Christmas Letter" in their cards, and I know a lot of people hate these. I for one am a big fan of them. I find it fascinating in what people deem interesting and important enough to include in these letters (full disclosure, I have in the past included a letter with my card). I also like to be caught up somewhat on what people are doing. Now the ones that are turned into cutesy little rhymes, fairy tales, or novels I can do without.

I'm at a loss, I'm not sure why my family sends out a Christmas card (that's not entirely true, it's because my wife tells me we are), or anyone else does. All I can tell you is why I like them, and that's for the pictures and seeing who likes me (or more likely my wife) enough to spend 39 cents (or whatever postage is these days) on me. Do not send out a Christmas card without a picture, I don't care if you just put a picture of your dog on it, I only want cards with pictures. The picture is what I look forward to when I open a card. They are like yearbook photos, so you can look back and see what people looked like in their 2001 Christmas card photo (my wife tends to keep old Christmas cards). It's always fun to see how people look and what kind of picture they choose to use, and to see how big kids have gotten. Then once received, they are immediately taped on the front door, for all to see the love and caring that so many have for my family as noted by all the well wishes in said cards.

I haven't even touched on the negative environmental aspects of cards, but I don't see a switch to emailed ones any time soon, so everybody go plant a tree to make up for it. And thanks to everyone who cared to enough to send me a card, you'll be getting ours hopefully soon.

Enjoying the season again!

The holiday season is upon us! Working for 18 years in retail, I became a bit jaded, and couldn't fully enjoy Christmas time. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job, and loved all that went on there at Christmas. It just meant trying to cram in decorating, parties, shopping, and seasonal activities into small amounts of time. I think anyone who has worked retail at Christmas will tell you, the last thing you wanted to do after a day of work was to go out amongst the public again. Working in retail, you have to be somewhat of a people person, but that doesn't mean you have to like them, and at the end of the day you usually didn't. Three years removed from work, and I'm starting to enjoy everything again, having the boys around helps too. J loves Christmas and everything that surrounds it, now I'm coming along for the ride too.

My wife loves Christmas music, and I used to cringe whenever we got in her car (around Christmas), because it meant we had to listen to it. My idea of Christmas music was the South Park's Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics album, complete with Merry F**king Christmas, Christmas Time in Hell, and The Lonely Jew on Christmas. Okay, I still think they are classics, but now I am actually enjoying listening to more traditional fare too. I even turned the XM holiday station on of my own accord the other day.

Decorating was always something that I didn't want to take the time to do, I had already done that at work. I still don't do much of the house decorating, because my wife enjoys it and does such a great job. I put the lights up outside (although not on the roof, to avoid me breaking my neck, we pay someone to do that), and on the Christmas tree. Much to J's surprise I did it without being nagged to, once again I am enjoying the season more. We get a real tree every year and it's always fun to pick that out with the boys and then decorate together.

Probably what I am enjoying most, are the family things we do. We are not very religious in our house, we don't attend church, so we don't participate in any of the religious aspects of the season. For us it is about our family holiday traditions, and PRESENTS. Yes we are part of the commercialism problem, but we also try to make sure to participate in the charitable side too, making our boys aware of those less fortunate and how it is important to help. A tradition to help do that, is where we go as a family and get some names off of an angel tree (the boys like to pick out boys their age, and maybe a girl their age too) and go out and get toys and clothes and things off their list. We try to let the boys pick things out so they feel a part of it. The boys also go with their grandmother and ring the bell for the salvation army. We also go see the Zoo lights, have Christmas eve dinner with my parents (which used to have to wait till I was off work), and of course the single Christmas eve present that is always pajamas. Maybe my favorite thing is the school programs, I can't wait to see Q's since it will be his first, and O always proves entertaining. Apparently we are even starting something new this year, where I attend the Festival of Trees (a charitable fundraising event, where people donate decorated trees and such to be auctioned off), with my wife, her parents, and her sister (and her husband). We'll see how that goes, in the past she just went with her mom, grandma, aunts, and sister. It was always an adventure to see what she might come home with. One year she bought a tree composed of Love Sac's (bean bags), it was huge, it took up half our living room, all told I think there were 8 or 9 of them stacked up with ribbon and lights strewn around them. I just wish I had a picture of it. I may crimp J's style, my understanding is that she is quite the bulldog when bidding on things.

Lastly there is shopping, I don't have to wedge it in late at night, or at the last minute any more, but I still have to try to decide what to get. At least now I have the time to do it at my leisure, and with both boys in school at the same time I can do theirs easy too. Overall it's just me enjoying the season and everything about it. Happy Holidays everyone!!!

What my child thinks of me.

Last week at school my first grader O had an assignment to write about his dad. Not sure what kids without a dad or with two mommies had to write about, but I digress. It was an interesting look to see what he really thinks of me, so without further ado, here it is exactly.

My Dad, by O

My dad is fun and good at games. My dad is not hard working and I am still faster than him. My dad is funny and nice and likes me and Q. He is the best dad ever. The End.

Overall a lot of positives, especially that last part about being the best dad ever. It warms my heart, but there are questions left unanswered. 1. Why do I only like him and his brother? 2. Does he really think he is faster than me? 3. What have I done, or rather not done, to give the impression that I am not hard working? I asked him these questions, and here are his responses:

"uuugghhh, I'm not talking to someone with coffee breath", once he's across the room,

1. "because like is better than love."

2. "Lets go have a race outside right now!", Q agrees and thinks he is faster too.

3. "because you aren't a hard worker", why? "because Q tales a lot of naps".

I think I got some answers there, like is better than love, and my sons have delusional confidence about their speed. I'm going to have to rethink this whole letting them win races sometimes, I thought I had made it abundantly clear in the past that I could be faster than them anytime I wanted. Still not quite clear about the hard work. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not disagreeing with him, I just would like to know where his impression comes from. I do know he thinks I spend altogether too much time at the computer, since he has asked me why I love it so much. It also could be a comparison to his mother, not just because she physically goes to work, but because there is no comparison there. J is a tireless worker at all times and puts pretty much everyone to shame in that regard. I couldn't dream of working as hard as she does. Maybe O is just trying to tell me to get a job so he doesn't have to look at me so much. Or maybe I just have to face the ugly truth that my child is right and I am not hard working. I might have to call my old work for their opinion, but I've always thought I worked hard to get the work done I needed to. The difference lied in what I thought needed to get done and the timeline I used for getting it done compared to others (mainly my wife). I've always procrastinated, but I feel I've done excellent work under those conditions. I guess I have some things to work on before O has to write another one of these papers, but I'll do that later. I need to think about my actions more too, and what impressions I'm making on my son. I can't wait to see how My Mom by O turns out too.

Days 2-5, tripping at the big D and going home

After a day of travelling and then a few rides and dinner, we were all worn out. We had chosen our hotel for 3 main reasons, price and proximity to Disneyland, and the fact it had a kids suite with bunk beds for the boys. We had stayed there before, but I did not anticipate the fight for the top bunk, because Q was previously too small. After much arguing and angry words a rotation was instituted, eventually it worked out they took turns on the top bunk and the sofa bed. In a minor miracle, O, whose sleep habits have been previously blogged on, slept through the night the entire time. Between daylight savings and the change to the Pacific time zone, the boys got up at 6, but that was fine since they slept through the night.



Having been to Disneyland before with the boys we have to learned to expect certain things. O despite talk before the trip, will inevitably let the fear and anxiety take over and refuse to go on most rides. The boys will want to buy many things in the stores. It is important to keep the boys well fed to improve moods. Armed with the knowledge of previous trips, we know to lower expectations. We told O ahead of time he didn't have to go on any ride he didn't want to. His biggest problem is that he doesn't like the dark, so almost any indoor ride (even kiddie ones), he won't go on. He actually likes going fast, and isn't afraid of heights, so most traditional ride fears don't apply to him. He always says he'll go on rides like Star Tours, but when confronted with the entrance, backs out. This year we just say okay and walk on, no trying to talk him into it. It's an excellent strategy that removed a lot of the stress. Even still we continue to ask in the hopes he'll say yes. J's favorite ride is Soaring Over California, and she really wanted O to ride it with her. In an attempt to facilitate this, we did what may not be one of our proudest parenting moments, we drugged him. We gave him about a third of an Alprazolam to try to calm his anxiety. It worked, and he went on the ride with J, he even told me he would go on it with me later. Of course later the pill had worn off and he wouldn't go on it again nor would he take the pill again. We were just glad that he could overcome his fears, medicated or otherwise.


O is really funny about rides he won't go on, because in his fear is fascination. Anyone who goes on a ride is expected to give a very detailed account of everything to do with the ride, usually multiple times. It's like he is trying to go on the ride vicariously.

The other thing we have found that makes Disneyland fun for O is Tom Sawyers Island and the Redwood Creek Trail on the California side. These are play areas where the boys can just run around and have fun with no lines and no ride worries.

Overall O was really good the whole time, not much anger or yelling, and behaved very well. Q had some struggles without his regular nap, but performed admirably as well, although he was upset about not being tall enough. After searching for shoes that made him 40" tall before the trip we were disappointed to find that Disney's 40" is apparently higher than the 40" of my tape measure at home. He was just barely undersized and couldn't go on a lot of rides he wanted to.

The plane ride home had it's moments. O was again worried about take-off, and when the plane veered out over the Pacific, he freaked a little bit. "We're going to die, we're going the wrong way! We're going to crash in the ocean! We're not supposed to go this way. Mommy we're over the water, that's wrong, we're going to die!". Of course he's yelling this. Soon the plane veered back over land and he was okay, but that wasn't the end of the fun. On final descent, Owen decides he has to go pee. At this point we can't use the plane's so we tell him to wait, we'll land soon. Of course this doesn't help, because even though we land soon, we have to taxi, and wait to get off. My guess is O had to go for most of the plane ride, because it was obvious he had to go, that and he felt the need to let everyone know, VERY LOUDLY. I was worried he wasn't going to make it. We get to the gate, but are in row eight and have to wait for everyone in front to go. O is in the aisle with J, hopping around clutching himself, loudly saying,"umm, excuse me, I have to pee, could you hurry please!". J is mortified. They hurry off the plane while Q and I gather our stuff up. J relayed what happened in the bathroom. He hurries into a stall (in the woman's restroom), and proceeds to relieve himself and let out a loud "aaaahhhhh! I feel so much better!". J said the woman in the stall next to them just starts laughing. Once in the car to drive home, Q announces that he has to pee too.

As I read this post I am happy that there aren't more stories and that it went as smoothly as it did. This was a fairly low stress trip overall and I don't think I could have asked for more. Except that O would sleep at home like he did there, we were very sad it did not carry over.

Day one- Going on a trip to Disneyland.

We took a family trip to Disneyland last week, and I kept some notes about the trip to blog about. I'll split it into a couple of posts.

Anticipation is a big part of going on a trip. I have a friend who goes into what I like to call "vacation mode", at least a week before any trip. He just shuts down, and all he can think or talk about is his upcoming trip. (Dave I am talking about you here). Apparently with O anticipation=anxiety. The night before the trip he did not sleep well out of excitement. All morning he was worried we would miss our plane. At the airport we had to walk at warp speed to our gate. I left J with the boys at the gate while I went to get us some lunch, big mistake. While I was gone our plane started boarding, and O freaked out. He started to yell and apparently make quite a scene, since J called me and told me to hurry. J could not get him to calm down, he was worried the plane would leave without us. I got back and he was still in his heightened state of anxiety. I pulled him close to me and tried to mellow him, but instead he yells out "Stop! Get him away from me! Let's go!". You would have thought I was trying to abduct him. So we did the only thing we could to console him, got on the plane. He settled for a second, but then comes the worry over takeoff. He's flown many times before and been fine, but now suddenly he's worried, sometimes I don't get the kid. Once we were airborne, he was cool as a cucumber, like nothing had happened. Once again my Jekyll and Hyde son. Next we'll see how he handles the cab ride to the hotel, and the big test, if his anxiety will let him go on the rides he wants to at Disneyland.