Summer- Lessons and more

Before summer started, I was concerned how the boys would handle the lack of a defined schedule. I tried to plan activities like swim lessons and other classes, but knew those wouldn't take up much of the days. So much for my worries, the boys have been fine to do whatever, especially if it meant a fun activity or playing video games. On the other hand, it's killing me, I want my routine back. I can't exercise consistently, probably haven't eaten as well, haven't written a blog in weeks, and just don't seem to get things done. I never would have guessed I would be the one craving routine. To go along with that, I had forgotten what an ordeal it was to take both boys to do errands. The grocery store was the worst, if they weren't whining and foot dragging, then were pushing the cart and almost crashing it. If they weren't harassing me to buy something, then they were pushing/shoving/grabbing/hugging/kissing (yes kissing, but only to annoy, not in affection). I probably should have taken Valium before we went, or a high blood pressure pill afterward. Taking just one on errands is fine, but for some reason the two together turn into different children, with no sense of what is appropriate public behavior. It's like a chemical experiment where two elements in separate viles are harmless, but when mixed they blow up the room. This of course is not to say I haven't enjoyed my summer and being able to spend more time with the boys. It's actually been a quite remarkable couple of months.

It's been a summer of breakthroughs of sorts. I went to a high school reunion for the first time and got to see and visit with people I hadn't seen in 20 years. J has been great about taking more time off work, enjoying a staycation with her mom and sister, and just random days to do things together as a family. Q after his fourth birthday and a brief chat, gave up his binkies that he used to sleep. He just quit cold turkey, with nary a complaint, I was shocked how easy it was. Then there is O, he has made some huge strides overcoming his anxiety this summer. It started with his swimming lessons. In the past he steadfastly refused to go underwater, clinging to his teacher, begging not to. He hated to float on his back as well, and would routinely try to talk his way out of performing many of the acts his teachers requested. At his first couple of lessons this year he was reticent, but he wore his goggles and became more comfortable. Three sessions in, and now he is like a fish, spending half his time underwater, floating alone, and not wanting to come out of the pool. We also took the boys to the local amusement park, where O showed no hesitation in going on all the roller coasters (the faster the better) and most other rides. He does not share my fear of heights. He still wouldn't go on the haunted house type rides, but that seemed pretty reasonable to me. For the first time this summer, O also attended a day camp where I dropped him off and came back later to pick him up. That may not sound like much, but in the past he's always had me stay during his classes (outside of school) and such that he took. This is the child who I had to lie to and tell him that I was waiting for him in the parking lot the whole time while he was in preschool. So it was pretty big that I left him there. One last success, although it hasn't been fully realized, is our backyard vegetable garden. We haven't harvested much yet, but things are growing great and if nothing else we'll have more tomatoes than we'll know what to do with.

I don't know if this is really an accomplishment, but I did have a nine day stretch where I ate dinner in a restaurant on eight of them. I wouldn't have thought it would happen, but I got tired of going out. I just wanted to have a nice quiet home cooked meal. The most remarkable part was that I managed to not gain weight. Despite not making the time to exercise as much as I would like, I've been maintaining my weight within a couple of pounds. Down almost twenty pounds from when I started to eat right and exercise. Once school starts again, I plan to be better in consistently working out, and I imagine I will settle in about 5-10lbs less than where I am now. That will put me around 200, and I think that's probably about where I am supposed to be.

I figured I should write this blog, so that I didn't go an entire month without posting, not that anyone notices, but it made sense in my mind. I've had about 4 or 5 blogs I've intended to write and never did. Hopefully once school starts inspiration will continue to strike, and with my routine intact I will post more. In the meantime, don't expect much, the summer sun and grocery shopping with my boys turns my brain to mush.

Reunion- Reservations and Ruminations

I attended my younger brother's high school graduation on Sunday, which isn't unusual in itself, except that he was graduating from the same high school I did twenty years after me. Yes, I have a brother nineteen years younger than me, in theory he could have been graduating with the children of people I went to school with. Putting that aside, the more vexing part to me is that my twenty year high school reunion is this summer. I have not been to any of my previous reunions, and I can't quite decide if I should attend this one. In the past I haven't given them a second thought, but for some reason I can't get this one out of my mind. I guess it is the milestone nature of 20 years, or perhaps curiosity about people I graduated with. Consuming me more are thoughts back to those days and how I fit in then and how I fit in now. Those were not the halcyon days for me. I spent freshman year with an ulcer, and looking back I never quite found my "place". I tried acting in plays, I ran cross country, but it wasn't an exact fit with those crowds, I was too insecure to excel at drama and I wasn't any good at running. I liked sports, but never had played any organized and lacked the confidence (and probably skill) to try out, I was not a jock. I was smart, but not an overachiever or uber brain. Probably my biggest problem was that I never gave a full effort at anything, academics or activities, which contributed to not finding a fit. Insecurity is a bitch, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffered from that affliction, it's the nature of high school, but it can sure slow lane any chance at success. At least I never fell victim to any high school stereotype. Some people find themselves and their place in the world in high school, I didn't. It took me well into my adult life to be comfortable with myself, and forge a stable identity.

Back then, I had my 3 or 4 good friends, and we'd do our thing. I'd like to see them at reunion, but most aren't going. I was trying to think of who I would like to see at the reunion, but apparently either I didn't like many people in high school, or many people didn't like me, because I was coming up pretty empty. Which seems kind of funny to me now, since I like to think I can get along with a great variety of people and in differing situations. Then again most of those are temporary and/or occasional (think family and work functions) not four year long commitments. Yeah, it's probably just me and I don't like a lot of people. Of course if you're reading this I'm sure your one of the people I actually like.

In the last 10 years, I've only seen one friend from high school on purpose, and that's only been a few times. If it weren't for Facebook, I'd have almost no idea about anyone from school. (You've got to love the interwebs to feed your voyeuristic impulses about people from your past.) For some, they made their friends for adulthood in high school, not me. That's not to say I wouldn't or couldn't be friends with people from high school as an adult, things just wouldn't be the same. As the saying goes, you can never go back. We're all in different circumstances now, and all different people.

I'm not sure what my "place" will be at the reunion, but I'm pretty sure I'll go (as long as Tony does). It may be a waste, it may be fun, but I'll never know unless I go. At least it will be a night out without kids and I'll get to be with my wife which alone makes it worth it.

Rant part deux!

I'm not really a political person, although I do make sure to vote. Don't get me wrong, I most definitely have my ideas, I just mostly keep them to myself. Not worth arguing about usually. I'd like to continue with the idea that I need to quit reading and watching documentaries and the news, since it alternately pisses me off and scares the hell out of me. Mostly I worry about the future of our country and planet and what kind of shape it's going to be in for my boys as they grow up. I can make my own personal efforts to make a difference for me and my family, but usually feel helpless on a larger scale. This becomes especially true living in Utah with a liberal viewpoint. There I said it, I am, "gasp", a liberal. I don't know where or when that became such a dirty word, but I think it's time it was embraced again. Not that I really have any answers, I am not educated enough or well versed enough to provide them, but I have had these thought roiling around in my head for a few weeks and wanted to get them out.



To fix what ails this country you need to go the base or root of the issue and work up from there. To start, everything comes back to money, so if you want to find any answers follow the money. That brings me to my first thought, to bring about any significant change (on the government side of things), whether it be in health care, finance reform, or anything for that matter, there will first have to be campaign finance reform. Politicians spend far too much time trying to rake in contributions when they should be governing. Then of course there is all the influence those contributions bring, and you can't tell me it doesn't, because if it didn't work you wouldn't be seeing the millions poured into campaigns. That flow needs to be shut off. I'm not sure how or if it would work, but I think there needs to be strictly government funded elections with no private donations. With the way news coverage is everywhere and the ease with which information can be distributed online, I have to believe there is no need for exorbitantly priced campaigns. Bring back going door to door to spread your message, or town halls, or even online forums. Those who vote on the issues will seek out the information, for those who vote strictly based on what animal is next to your name the information doesn't matter anyway. Maybe without corporate money influences, there can be more honest open debate about what's best for the population as a whole.



Last week Exxon Mobil announced earnings for the first three months of the year of $6.3 billion dollars. Are you kidding me in three months they profited $6 billion dollars? That is difficult to comprehend that much money. Ford Motor company posted first quarter profits of $2 billion dollars (pre-tax). I kind of think corporations could be paying a little higher taxes on these obscene profits. I don't buy that taxing them more is going to shut down the economy, especially with all the millions they'll be saving by not having to donate to campaigns.



Health care has gotten out of control we're paying more and more, and receiving less care, and it just seems to continue to spiral upward. The health care bill was great for getting insurance for uninsured, but it really didn't address the problems of what the system is doing to everyone else. I haven't got a clue what to do about that. What I do think is that people need to try and live healthier lives, try to make people healthy before they get sick. If we go to a large root of the problem, it is what and the way people eat. I heard a statistic on TV that in twenty years, 75% of the population of Texas will be obese. People need to become educated about where there food comes from, and what it is we are eating. I think the documentaries Food Inc. and the World According to Monsanto, should be required viewing for everyone. I know it's not feasible to feed the world organically, but what food industry corporations have done to our food supply is criminal. What may be worse is what has been done to the government oversight of the industry and the departments that are supposed to keep citizens safe and healthy. I would really like there to be labelling for any food I purchase that has been genetically modified, I don't think that's too much to ask. Some of the information about food is really scary. As a corollary to this, people need to get off their ass and do something, anything, just be a little bit more active. I feel that if people lived healthier, then we wouldn't have as many reasons to go the the doctor, and maybe health care costs could come down.

I am of the general opinion that the US should not be policing the world. I don't feel we belong in Iraq or Afghanistan, but I'm not sure how we leave, or even if we should at this point. I would really like it for all the troops to come home, not sure if they can. The fact that we spend thirty times as much on defense as the next highest country is ridiculous. Maybe it's time we looked at pairing that down to say fifteen times as much, we should still be safe, and I bet we might be able to lower the national debt. There are enough domestic problems to worry about without trying to fix places halfway around the world that are trying to blow us up for being there.

I'm not touching immigration. No easy or good answers.

We are falling behind the rest of the world when it comes to education. This should not happen. Teaching needs to become an honored profession again, complete with the financial incentive to make it worth it. How can we hope to have a bright future unless we can educate the next generation to lead us there? Maybe some of that military savings could go toward education as well.

I'm slowing down on my rant, I think it's time to pack it in. I feel so much better now! Always good to get things off your chest! Maybe now I can go back to writing funny things about my kids, only 6 weeks left of school, not sure what's going to happen after that.

I feel a rant coming on

I told my dad the other day that I needed to quit watching documentaries and reading books, because it was freaking me out and pissing me off. Apparently I've got to quit reading my sons monthly school newsletter as well. The last few have each had a little article about freedom, this month it is on the impact of freedom on the economy. I think Glen Beck would be very proud of this article. "When government intrudes upon trade, one or both parties are forced to sacrifice their choice in the terms of the trade, as in the recent government mandate that banks lend financially unsound mortgages. Such actions lead to the loss of property rights and therefore a loss of LIFE.". What? I must have missed that mandate. But wait, there's more. "Over the years agents of the US government have exerted more control over the economy, claiming that a free market of labor and wages would result in massive unemployment. Their "logic" says that when people save their money, they hurt the economy and cause unemployment. This is why they believe that the government must step in and redistribute the wealth." Again, what? There has been massive deregulation for the last 20 plus years, many of which have at least partially caused the economic problems among other problems as well. And who in the hell are the "agents", "they", and "their" in that paragraph. I'm beginning to wonder if my boys are attending the Fox News of private schools. The article also contends that US fiscal policy "promotes unreal economic stimulation through invented public projects (the bridges to nowhere). This Keynesian economic approach has resulted in
-a national debt of almost $13 trillion, an increase of 50% since 2006
-severe mortgage defaults, with a new wave on the near horizon
-1.41 million Americans filing personal bankruptcy in 2009
-a perceived devaluation of the US dollar, threatening its world status
-37 million Americans on food stamps and 50% of the population who pay no income tax
-decreased corporate profits, resulting in 55% reduction in September 2009 tax receipts
-unemployment of 15 million people, 6 million for 27 weeks or more"

I'm no economist, but seriously, how can you blame all this on Keynesian economic policy of the government. I'm pretty sure we've been involved in an overseas quagmire of a war contributing a large amount of that debt. I'm worried that I'm going to have to check to see if my son's textbooks are being printed in Texas. Next the article says " 'Un-free' economics leads to rights violations---just consider how, in order to bail out General Motors, the government confiscated and appropriated shareholder and dealer property. Such injustice would never be upheld by free enterprise---the only true economic system for a free society." Really? Pretty sure GM was begging for money and would have done anything to get it.

I'm not advocating for the downfall of capitalism, I just think this article takes quite a bit of liberty and huge jumps in logic. I'm also wondering what place it has in a school newsletter (it's a private school with many campuses in 4 states and this is the whole group newsletter). The point made at the very end is that the school's mission to "prepare children to become self reliant, productive individuals is not just an abstract idea. We encourage them to think and work for themselves and to cherish their freedoms and defend their individual rights." That last sentence sounds like my son is part of a militia (a quick Google search of the school founder pulled up her political donations, which were heavily conservative and included donations to the Minuteman PAC, so no suprise there), but I do hope my boys do learn to think and decide for themselves. I don't want them to believe the overly simplistic load of crap in this article. I'm not even going into the economic allegory (Mr. Capital in Free Isle) that goes with article the tells of the honest capitalist businessman whose life is brought to ruin by government interference. Not that I wasn't before, but I am obviously going to have to pay attention to what my sons are being taught. I'm not going to pull the boys out because of this, we've been very happy with the education they've been receiving, but I do question the judgement shown in printing the article. I find it unconscionable that a learning institution can play so loose and fast with the facts, I'll make sure my boys learn to properly research what they write for school.

Whole Paychecks

I've been at this attempt to exercise and be healthier for 11 weeks now. I've lost over ten pounds, changed around the foods we've had in the house, and driven everyone a little crazy. I think it's gotten to where you can see a difference in the way I look, my jeans I bought 6 months ago are definitely looser on me. The exercise has become easier too. Instead of avoiding them, and the workouts being a chore, I now want to go work out and do more and for longer as well. I worked out 6 days last week, of course I gained a pound too, we'll say it must be muscle. What I decided with all of this though is that I have chosen the hard way of things. You have to plan and take the time to workout, that's part of it. What is really the hard part (and it turns out to be the expensive part too) is the eating. It's not so much the missing out on fatty foods or sweets or things like that, it's more the inconveniences. It is easier to buy prepared foods or go out to eat. I have chosen to try and eat and cook for me and my family organically as much as possible. Now I am not militant about this or a zealot about it, I'm not willing to make those kinds of sacrifices or put my ideas on anyone else (sometimes I wish I could). I also don't think anyone needs to make accommodations for me if I come to their house. I also like to eat out at restaurants, and not too many are organic, so I have to overlook that when we go out. For the summer we will have fresh produce from a CSA, but for now without it means shopping mostly at Whole Foods or Whole Paychecks as I recently heard it referred to. It's no wonder that obesity is rampant in poorer communities, it's expensive to try and eat healthy. It's a lot easier and cheaper to hit McD's. That brings up another difficult aspect of this, my kids. On the whole my kids usually eat pretty healthy, but they are constantly bombarded with advertising to do otherwise. Fast food and their toys are the worst. The boys have not been happy about their reduction in happy meals. I'm not so mean that they can't ever have them, but I've also made it clear that it will be rare. I also still let them have the kids cereals (Lucky Charms and the such), we all grew up on them, so it's hard to deny them those. But I'll also cook them eggs or pancakes anytime they want instead. I don't want to deprive them of anything or make something more desirable by forbidding it. It still is hard to make them understand what is and isn't healthy and why it is important to try and be healthy. In the long run I think we'll all be better off for my efforts, and I think it will get easier as I do it more, and as society shifts its views as well. As for me, I still have a ways to go in my healthy efforts and exercise as I work towards looking like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. I can have my pipe dreams still can't I? I also have to survive vacation next week too, not sure what's going to happen with the diet and exercise there.

The return of crabby daddy

It's nearing the end of another of my pseudo-single parenthood periods, aka J's busy season at work. I have to say this one hasn't been too bad. It is only recently that there have been intermittent visits from "crabby daddy", my cranky alter ego. Crabby daddy comes out when every little thing his boys do drives him crazy. It wasn't until after a week of spring break togetherness that he appeared this year. He comes about naturally, because after hearing a nagging voice for 24/7 for week (ie, stop that, don't do that, be quiet, get off your brother, put down the knife, for the love of god please be quiet for two minutes), it's easy to tune out that voice. Tuning out the voice and not listening brings out crabby daddy. Maybe it's the boys getting older (or me getting older), or maybe it's that they are back in school again this week, but crabby's visits have been brief and fairly rare.

One other result of this time of year appears to be my complete lack of accountability in keeping up the house. I'll start the dishes, but then not finish, or clean off half the kitchen table. Children's toys are scattered every which way. The place looks like a tornado hit it, but I guess that happens when J is too tired to say anything about it when she gets home. Since she's too busy to do anything about it, I also don't have to feel guilty about her cleaning up. I know I should keep things up, but my conscience alone hasn't been enough to do it. The cleaning lady comes Friday, so I'll have to have it picked up by then, I just hope I can.

This year we are heading straight out on vacation at the end of busy season, no lag time, which means I'll be doing all the prep for the trip. That's fine as long as the boys cooperate and don't get too worked up. Not sure who I'm kidding with that last sentence, it's a trip and children, they'll be bouncing off the walls. We may remember why we usually don't leave immediately... too stressful! It's a trip we've taken before so hopefully that will help, because nobody wants crabby daddy on the trip.

What my 3 year old thinks of me

This could be the funniest picture I have ever taken. I could see this on the front of a greeting card, maybe not a very nice card. To start there is the obvious single finger salute, coming from a three year old=comic gold. Then you combine that with the chocolate covered mouth and spoon in the other hand. What truly makes the picture is the eyes, look at those eyes, what mischievous eyes those are. You can almost picture a little devil sitting on his shoulder, whispering in his ear to give his dad the finger. I didn't see anything but the chocolate when I snapped the picture, it wasn't until I checked that I noticed everything else, and then about fell over laughing. To be fair he doesn't know about flipping the bird, he actually points with that finger (a habit I'm trying to break). And the picture came out that way because he was licking the chocolate off his finger and I told him to take it out of his mouth. Guess he showed me. Looking at his eyes does make me wonder if he didn't have a little clue of what he was doing. The picture is much funnier without the context, but I felt I should explain to lessen the idea that I am a degenerate parent. So enjoy and make up your own story to go along with the photo, it's better that way.

Mid-life peanut butter crisis

The other day my wife asked me if I was going through a mid-life crisis. Did I go by a sports car? Start dying my hair? Try dating college age girls? No, I changed the kind of peanut butter we get. I guess it's not quite that simple. I've been exercising (which she's been trying to get me to do more for years) and trying to eat better and buy healthy food (kind of driving the family a little crazy with that, i.e. quinoa instead of rice recently). I also haven't cut my hair in 3-4 months, but nothing that would constitute a crisis. Really what this change stems from is a book I've been reading, The Omnivore's Dilemma. It's a fascinating look at what and how we eat, and where that food comes from. It's not like I've suddenly turned vegan (not that there is anything wrong with that), but I'm trying to be more aware of what kind of food I buy, where it comes from and how it is grown. I even just purchased a half share in a CSA (community supported agriculture) for the summer and fall, so that we get fresh locally grown produce. My wife will tell you I have become a little obsessed about the book. For me, I just find it so interesting, that I want to talk about it, with any body and everybody, anytime they will listen. For instance, I knew the U.S. grew a lot of corn and that it was subsidized by the government to a great degree, but to get the history of the corn and how it came to be such a huge part of everything, was eye opening. I also never knew cows were not supposed to be eating corn, that their stomachs can't process it and that's a large part of why they need so many antibiotics. It shouldn't have surprised me, but I never realized how industrial "organic" growing had become. I don't want to blather on and get preachy, people can eat however they want, I just want to try and make good decisions for not only my families health, but for the better health of the earth too. Right now that means peanut butter made from peanuts (and maybe some salt), with nothing hydrogenated in it. Hopefully the boys and J can live with some of the changes to our diet (they aren't fond of the new peanut butter), and be healthier for it in the end. As far as the hair goes, not sure why I haven't cut it, that may be a sign for the mid-life crisis. Maybe I should start wearing my earring again, or get a tattoo that says organic in Chinese letters. In the meantime, I highly recommend The Omnivore's Dilemma, thanks to all that told me about it.

The date that ended all other dates

Yesterday was the 18th anniversary of my first date with my wife, so I thought it a good time to remember that fateful day. A few days earlier at work a cute girl had come in with her mother shopping. At the prodding of her mother she asked me out for the following Saturday, and with that, fate had been set in motion. Due to the little we knew of each other, we decided to both bring a friend to make it a little more comfortable. We met up in a central location, and then went all together in one car. We parked across the street and then walked to the Salt Palace (see how long ago this was, back before it was the convention center, goodness I am getting old!). We were there to attend a very special event, the travelling version of American Gladiators! That old TV show was so good they made a new version a couple of years ago, and they hardly ever do that with old TV shows. I haven't seen any remakes of the A-Team! What's that? There is a new movie coming out? Oh. What about Knight Rider, that was classic. That too? Dukes of Hazzard? Bewitched? Never mind, there is no originality left in the media. Back to my story, we attended this holy event, I really don't remember much of it. I know they had local people competing including some local frat boys. I do remember liking my date, and that our friends were far from hitting it off. So after the show we ditched them and continued on together. We must have eaten something, I'm sure my wife could tell you what and where. I should have done a fact check with her before I wrote it, but where is the fun in that, much better to have things as I remember them. After dinner we went back to her house and I met her parents. J seemed quite conservative (read LDS) to me so I was quite happy to see her dad drinking beer when we met. Not that at 19 I drank beer, because that would have been against the law (just in case my boys ever read this). It went well, of course it did, parents always loved me. I know we ended up watching Saturday Night Live, and I think I got lucky too. Okay not really, there was no way that was happening. I can't even remember if I got a kiss, but if I did that was waaaayyy out of character for J, and probably was me taking one. She was/is much more sweet and innocent than I have ever been. After that I went on one date with another girl and that was the end of it, there was no comparison. What started as an all-day date, ended up being an all-life date. I couldn't be any happier or luckier for that. So I write this to commemorate the last eighteen years with the love of my life my wife. And a big thank you to my mother-in-law for picking up on me for her shy daughter and forcing her to ask me out. I will always have a fond place in my heart for those American Gladiators.

Trippin to Utah State

Last week my wife and I went away overnight without our boys for only the second time ever. For a quick twenty-four hour trip it sure seemed to require a lot of planning. However, there was not enough planning on my part, since about an hour into our drive, my mother called to inform me I had not provided a means for entering our house. After some phone calls to my in-laws on vacation in Maui, we were finally able to procure a key for her. Fortunately that was the only hiccup for my mother and the boys, except for O and her mutually deciding his act class attendance wasn't necessary.

As for the getaway for my wife and I, it was nice, stressful, and over very quickly. The drive up was nice, quick and uneventful, just like any good drive should be. We checked into our hotel, which was nice, and then left for dinner with some other speaker and administrators from the conference my wife was speaking at. We were a little late, but not too bad. We had introductions and everyone was quite nice, but I was quite disappointed that no one was drinking (wine or beer). So I went with the flow (or lack there of), and just drank water. As we talked through dinner a couple of things became apparent, why they weren't drinking (all but one were LDS), they were all intelligent and well spoken, and the other guest speakers were much more experienced than my wife. One had written over forty books, one had written books plus invented a couple of things, and another was flown in from Virginia to speak. My wife was a little intimidated and nervous on our drive back to the hotel. So for her the trip was quite stressful, since she doesn't really speak in public and her nerves were rattles anyway. Neither of us slept well, her from nerves, me from discomfort. Despite her nerves, J did a great job with her speech. I'd post some video of it, but I don't think she would like that. I was able to spend some nice quiet time reading while she was in other seminars. As a reward for the good job she did, we got her ice cream on the way home. It wasn't until we were home with our boys a few hours later that we realized we didn't have her lap top. Needless to say she freaked out a little bit, since not only does it have all her stuff on it, but also our personal tax returns she already worked three hours on. She was able to find someone, who found it for her the next morning and sent it to Salt Lake with the speaker from Virginia who was going to the airport to catch her plane. All in all, a successful little trip, and I actually didn't mind being away from the boys. I just have to remember not to lock them out of the house next time.

Routine round-up

For only the second time ever, my wife and I are going away over night without our children. It's not as exciting as it sounds, although it is for a cool reason. My wife has been invited to be one of the featured speakers for a Women in Business seminar at a nearby University. Since the University is a couple of hours away, we thought it would be easier to go the night before. Of course, we found out last Friday that O has his science fair Wednesday and we're going to miss it. Nothing like a little guilt to serve you while you're gone. I think he'll live though, and it will give him something to tell his therapist later in life.

My mother will take care of our boys, staying over night at our house and taking them to school and activities the next day. We'll only be gone a little over 24 hours, but it's still a little hard and stressful to leave them. I was going to say I'm worried about them and their routine, but maybe I'm worried about me missing out on their routine. I know my mom will do a good job, and I know my boys will be good for her. At least they better be. I'll just miss them. It's actually comical the routine that I go through daily with the boys, especially when you have to sit down to explain it to someone. And it's just for one day. First O will have to make sure and get his homework done, this usually involves more time prodding and asking for it to be done than time spent doing it. Then the dinner where the prodding continues to eat their dinner good, unless of course it's pizza. The bed time is truly ritual. It starts with O going to the bathroom to do his daily duty. He will spend a good 15-20 minutes in there reading, until you finally tell him that is enough. You then have to continue to check if he is getting his pajamas on, because often times he'll just be in his room reading again, naked on his bed. Q is easy, help him get his pajamas, he'll put them on, and brush his teeth. Before you head in to bed all stuffed animals and blankets must be collected to sleep with. Then there is the "pee party", everyone has to go in and pee before bed to prevent accidents. First Q gets in bed, we sing him his song (both boys have their own specific made-up song to be sung before bed), give him a kiss and say goodnight. Then we go into O, he sings his song, then he gets his hug and kiss. Both boys have to have some water by their bed and Q has to have a red and blue binky. Then there is the morning ritual, O wakes up and reads in his room. Q wakes up and comes into me in bed, usually he'll climb in and snuggle for a second (one of my favorite things), then go find O. I'll come out and make O his frozen waffle with peanut butter and syrup, a glass of milk, and his medicine. Q will normally choose cereal, and usually it's special k with strawberries, but he will mix it up and have eggs sometimes. The problem is Q has to be goaded back to the table continually to eat, and then sometimes hand fed to make sure. Then the fun starts, trying to get O to get his uniform on for school. Q I just tell to go get dressed, but the 6 year old requires me to dress him or I go crazy trying to get him to do it fast enough. He never fails to complain about the uniform either, you'd think he would be used to it by now. Then the prodding to get on shoes and a jacket, a few times. Finally, do you have everything you want to bring? Of course not, go get it now, we are leaving. O gets dropped at school first, then Q and I park across the street (and we have to park in a specific spot) until it is time for him to go. If we ever have anywhere to go after school I have to bring a change of clothes and snacks, otherwise O will melt down. Forbid we should ever have to go anywhere in his uniform.

I think I've decided it's ok I miss the routine for one day now. My mom can read this for a refresher if she needs anything. It may not be too romantic, but it is a getaway.

Progress report

I am 4 weeks in to my attempts to exercise, lose weight, and be healthier. So far it's not going too bad. The first 3 weeks I managed to work out 4 days each week, last week I only got in 2 since there was a holiday, a cold, and a project keeping me from it. I lost a couple of pounds the first week, then nothing for the next two. Last week (when I work out less), I manage to lose about 3 more pounds. That puts me at 221.4 lbs, so about 5 pounds in 4 weeks, I'm pretty happy with that. It always takes my body a little bit to adjust to exercise. At first when I start in, I get hungry all the time and actually eat more, but as I get into more of a routine, I actually end up eating less and better. I've been doing mostly the body weight 200 workout, but I'm looking to try and do more running and cardio. I'd like to be working out 5-6 days a week. I've been slacking with the ab workout, I need to be better about that, but let's face it doing abs sucks! The body weight workout was tough at first, I was only doing about 75% of it, but last week I finally made it through with 100% of the reps and exercises. I'm hoping that after last week's losses, I'm trending downward. Time will tell.

Excerpts from last friday

The following are some excerpts from my day last Friday:

Ring, ring.

me:"hello"

my wife:" hello, what are you up to?"

me:"On my way to pick up Q from school"

her:"I just heard on the radio that if you go to Taipan Trading, they are giving out $50 gift certificates and a box of chocolates when you mention a certain radio show (I am not saying what show because I don't care for nor desire to promote it)."

me:"But I don't listen to that show, nor would I want to publicly say that I had heard anything on it."

her:"That's OK, you just have to go to customer service and tell them."

me:"They wouldn't be giving out free certificates."

her:"Yes they are, I heard it on the radio, they keep talking about it. So will you go and get me one."

me:"Probably not."

her:"But it's free, you have to go get one, you can go after you get Q."

me:"Nothing in life is free."

her:"For me, please!"

me:"We'll see."

Later on that day, ring, ring

me:"Hello"

my wife again:"Hey what are you doing?"

me:"Just put Q down for his nap."

her:"You didn't go to Taipan, did you?"

me:"Nope"

her:"Are you going to?"

me:"Wasn't planning on it."

her:"You could pick up O from school, and then run out there."

me:"I really don't want to, I have some other stuff to do."

her:"Please!!"

me:"I'll think about it."

By the time I picked up O, the guilt had built up sufficiently that I felt I should go. Much to the boys chagrin we went. Once there we went to the customer service desk which was deserted. After standing there for a few minutes being ignored, a janitor pushing a broom asked if he we needed help. He pointed out the manager to me. The manager explained that if you bought a $50 gift certificate, that you then got a box of chocolates worth $10 for free. Aaaaaaaaagggghhhhh! I thanked him, gathered the boys, walked out to the car and immediately called my wife. I proceeded to reel off a string of I told you so's. She could not apologize enough, she felt awful. I felt vindicated. An important lesson was learned, nothing in life is free and my wife needs to listen/read promotional offers more carefully. I think it also important to note that I did the right thing in going to Taipan Trading, it's always best to try to keep your wife happy and do what she asks, even if you think she is wrong (most of the time she isn't).

I am so cultured!

Last night I attended a dinner/auction for Ballet West, followed by a performance of Swan Lake. I'm not sure I'll be rushing back any time soon. To be fair the only other ballet I have been to is the Nutcracker, so I am not very well versed on the nuances of ballet, but there seem to be issues especially for the male viewers. It even sparked up conversations in the men's room at the first intermission, and guys just don't normally talk in the bathroom. The main issue was wanting pants on the male dancers, do their tights really need to ride all the way up the butt crack? That's without even mentioning the ever present bulges. One guy in the bathroom suggested the men and women swap costumes and he might be more interested. I can't say I agree with that, I felt like I should go back stage and hand out cheeseburgers and pamphlets on eating disorders to the ballerinas. My wife even noted that one dancer really stood out, because she actually had breasts, although the rest of her was sickly skinny. My biggest problem was that I couldn't figure out what was going on. Thank goodness for the program, rather, thank goodness for my wife reading the program and explaining to me what was going on in the story. My friend summed up the story as far as we could tell, it started with some homo erotica, then some pedophilia, then bestiality, then a double suicide, all with lots of dancing. I am convinced that ballet is best viewed as if you were making an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MSTK3000), with a running comic commentary. Things were just begging for ridicule. Unfortunately my wife threatened to separate Dave and I if we continued to do that, so we had to show restraint and just do it a little. Despite it's 3 hour run time, and several glasses of wine, I never came close to nodding off, so that was a positive. I do have to admit, the athletic ability and talent of the dancers really is incredible, they work very hard at their craft and are undeniably beautiful to watch move. The sets and backdrops were also amazing, as were the costumes, there are some very talented artists at work at Ballet West. I can't leave out the orchestra and the music, which were also top notch and a highlight of the performance. One last positive from the night, we won 3rd row tickets to a Jazz game in the silent auction, that way my wife can take her turn and make fun of that all night. Then I could have her write a blog about her experience!

When did I get old?

After having been Russell Crowe all week on FB, I decided it was time for a new profile picture. In the past I have always used a picture of my boys, and thought it might be time to put up a picture of me. I looked at pictures all the way back to when we first got a digital camera, when O was born. I was taken aback by the youthfulness of my appearance, especially when compared to today. Can 6 years really make that big of a difference? I can only come to one conclusion, my children are aging me exponentially. Those 6 years from then to now, have actually aged me 18 years. I am fearful of their teenage years and how old I may grow then. I also find it odd, that as I have aged so quickly, my wife still looks as young as ever. In fact she is more beautiful and youthful than ever. Other than the fact that she exercises, eats right, and takes care of herself, the only difference between us is that she colors her gray hair and I don't (and she's 1 year younger). I guess if things continue, it will look like I married myself a much younger trophy wife, so I've got that to look forward to. However, I'm not sure the boys will appreciate their friends asking if I'm their grandfather. Perhaps my new found attempts at exercise will slow the process, but in the mean time I best get me some Oil of Olay.

Line of demarcation

Technology can be a wonderful thing, it makes our lives easier, it makes it easier to stay in touch, any number of things. But there is a dark side to technology, one hidden beneath the sheets, that can cause separation.

For Christmas my wife asked for and was given a dual control heated mattress pad. Ever since we were first married, we have always encountered the same problem, she runs cold, and I run hot. Her hands, her nose, and just in general, she is always cold. While she is piling on the blankets, I am kicking off the covers. In the beginning of our marriage it took some getting used, more than just the usual of having someone invade your sleep space. Of course she wanted to cuddle, which I'm fine with, but the body temp differences were limiting. Especially since I think the reason she is always cold is because she emits so much heat from her body. So much so, that I gave the nickname "my little butane heater". We could cuddle, but we couldn't sleep that way, because I would become unbearably hot and sweaty. Over the years we worked out a system to keep everyone happy, there had to be a physical connection somewhere as we went to sleep. Mostly it was a foot touching a lower leg, so she knew I was there, I didn't get hot, and we were separate enough to have different amounts of covers. Like everything, it took some time, but now I find my foot searching for her when she is out of town for work. That is until technology intervened! Now there is a virtual electric fence across the middle of our bed. Even if her side is turned on low, a foot across the line can make me uncomfortable. There is still occasion where she will stray to the cold side, but often she retreats to her heated cocoon, and I to the cool other side of my pillow. Luckily our love is much stronger than the electrical current splitting us at night, but it is another example of technology reducing actual human contact,

Just do it!

I've been trying to convince myself to start exercising again, but haven't been very successful. My wife has tried to prod and encourage me to do it, to no avail. Making time has been a bit of an issue, but I can't use that excuse. Towards the end of last week, I decided I just need to do it. While cleaning I came across an old Men's Health magazine, the special flat belly fast issue. It had the best ab workout you'd never done (no crunches), and the no gym no excuses workout, a 20 minute workout called the body-weight 200. They seemed to fit the bill for what I needed, so today I start to exercise again. I figure that by putting this in the blog I might be more inclined to follow through. I thought about putting up the corresponding before pictures, but I wouldn't want to scare anyone, and really, no-one wants to see half naked pictures of me. I will however give up the numbers from my scale, as of this morning I weighed 226.8 lbs, a body fat of 11.5%, a body water of 56%, a muscle mass of 40.9%, and a bone mass of 4.1%. With a height of 6' that means I have a BMI of 30.8 which classifies me as obese. According to the instructions for my scale, my body fat is in the normal range, as are my other measures, which don't really mean much to me. I will assume my scale is accurate, because why would it lie to me, it has nothing to gain, and because I'm not going to worry about it if it isn't. At some point I'll update my progress, but I won't bore everyone with continual updates. I'm going to try to eat healthy, but unlike my OCD wife I will not be keeping a food journal and obsessing over calories and the such. Not that there is anything wrong with that, she likes doing things that way. As a reminder, I don't set goals per se, but I would like to be between 200-210. The last time I got into the 190's my grandmother started asking if I was sick (which I might have been since I ran a half-marathon). I best quit stalling and get to my workout.

Honoring a friend

I've written a lot of things in my life, but none so difficult as what I tried last night. A letter to a dying friend. Not just a dying friend, but a woman not much older than me, a mother of two boys the same age as mine, leaving this earth far too soon. I struggled for words, wanting to stay positive, but only able to think of the sadness of a future without her. She is an admirable woman, always positive and upbeat, despite all the curves life threw at her on top of her health issues. She remained strong, unwilling to let her cancer or life beat her down. I'm sure lots of people have stories about friends dying too soon, but for me, this is the first time I've had it happen to someone that I was close to. It breaks my heart because our boys are friends, and it pains me to think of them growing up without their mom. She was a pillar of strength for her boys, and I'm sure they will grow up to make their mom proud. I struggle with how I'm going to tell my own boys about her dying, and can't dream of how her boys will be able to understand. Perhaps it hits close to home too because of everything I went through with J. No matter what, it's still a tragedy. The letter is my wife's idea, since my friend requested no visits.



I am not one to believe in fate, but sometimes you have to wonder the way lives cross. Raegan was a friend of a friend, and I probably met her once or twice in passing 20 years ago, but probably hadn't said two words. Then when J was pregnant with O, I heard about her son who was just diagnosed with Leukemia at 6 weeks old. So as not to upset and worry my pregnant wife, I withheld this information. Her son got a bone marrow transplant and is still cancer free today.
Three years ago O was in his first year of preschool and started coming home talking about his new best friend Ren and how he was going to come over for a play date. I finally relented and sent a note for Ren's mom to call me, when she did, it was Raegan. Of all the kids in preschool, O picks out Ren as his first best friend, and despite no longer going to school together, they have stayed friends. That was when I got to know Raegan well, through play dates with our boys, phone calls and text messages.


When my wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor, Raegan was one of the first people I called. She could relate, she had sadly been there. She made me feel better even as she was telling me that she would be needing surgery again too. Once again her amazing strength, she actually cried more about J than I ever heard her cry about herself. After J's surgery, she was in the NCC (NeuroCriticalCare), when she recovered enough, she was moved to a different part of the hospital. Raegan came out of her surgery, and was put in the exact same room in the NCC, the day J moved out of it. It was a little eerie when it happened. In another weird twist, last week Q came home from school to announce he had a new friend at school that he wanted a play date with. Her name, Raegan.



I can still laugh about her talking about her fake breasts and her ex husband. I don't think she ever forgave me for having her and the boys go to the state fair. Raegan went through two painful back surgeries not to mention numerous rounds of chemo and radiation, and a divorce in the middle of it, and yet I was always amazed at the strength she exhibited for her children. They will grow strong because of her strength, I will remind them of it always. For me, all I know is that I will miss her.

Not really a resolution.

I wanted to do this post a few weeks ago, but then was busy doing holiday stuff. Then with New Year's, I didn't want to write it and have it sound like a New Year resolution post. I don't do resolutions, they aren't part of my make-up, I'm not a big goal setter. On the other hand, my wife, big time goal setter, she has trouble doing something without a goal attached to it. Which is great, it works for her, not me (although I think she would like it if I had couple of goals). I like to go with the flow, make it through day to day, not stress about future things. Good thing my wife takes care of our retirement plans.



Rewind a few weeks ago, I had a bad day, got angry with the boys, just one of those ugly days. Afterwards I was mainly disappointed in myself, I decided I was letting everyone down, but mostly myself. So I decided I was going to make a concerted effort to be a better father, be a better husband, keep a better house, be healthier, basically just be a better person. I did not share this with anyone, it was a deal just with myself. Since that time I have tried, sometimes with more success than others.

I have tried to be a better dad, play with the boys more, give them more attention, not yell and be angry with them, have them watch less tv. O's improved behavior helps me greatly in this.

Christmas was hell on the house, and it has taken a while, but it has gotten put back together. I'm trying to keep it that way and not let it get out of control, mostly by doing things as I see them. An example would be not letting the dishes pile up in the sink for multiple days. Also trying to have rooms a little more organized where everything has it's place.

Being healthier I put off till after the holidays, I just decided to screw it while all the treats were around. I had a mental deadline of January 1st to quit eating crappy, and I'm doing well so far (other than the half a tub of butter pecan slow churned ice cream I ate the other night), next I just need to incorporate some exercise. With my 20 year high school reunion coming up I would like to lose some weight and get in better shape for it, although I'm not sure exactly why. I'm not sure I'm going (I've never gone to any before), and if I do, I don't know who I'd be trying to impress. If you asked me, I'd tell you I don't give a shit what anyone would think of me, but I still feel like I need to show up there 20 pounds lighter. So healthier is an evolving work. I've also tried to cook more meals at home and have food around so we don't eat out as much.



Being a better husband is where I think I may be slipping a little bit, and I think this post is a bit of an apology to my wife. Don't get me wrong I am a damn fine husband, and my wife is lucky to have me! However, keeping to myself my desire to improve, has made me sensitive to criticism. Simple discussions or requests devolved into me becoming quite defensive. Damn it, doesn't she know I'm trying? Actually, no she doesn't! So in a sad twist, my attempt to be a better husband has made me worse. Sorry my love for getting so defensive about keeping the kitchen clean, not yelling at the boys, and wanting to keep the weight machine, but I'm trying!

Overall I think I am a pretty good person, kind, polite, and considerate. I may not be making a huge contribution to society, but I'll work my way to that little by little. In the mean time, I'll keep working on improving myself.