Honoring a friend

I've written a lot of things in my life, but none so difficult as what I tried last night. A letter to a dying friend. Not just a dying friend, but a woman not much older than me, a mother of two boys the same age as mine, leaving this earth far too soon. I struggled for words, wanting to stay positive, but only able to think of the sadness of a future without her. She is an admirable woman, always positive and upbeat, despite all the curves life threw at her on top of her health issues. She remained strong, unwilling to let her cancer or life beat her down. I'm sure lots of people have stories about friends dying too soon, but for me, this is the first time I've had it happen to someone that I was close to. It breaks my heart because our boys are friends, and it pains me to think of them growing up without their mom. She was a pillar of strength for her boys, and I'm sure they will grow up to make their mom proud. I struggle with how I'm going to tell my own boys about her dying, and can't dream of how her boys will be able to understand. Perhaps it hits close to home too because of everything I went through with J. No matter what, it's still a tragedy. The letter is my wife's idea, since my friend requested no visits.



I am not one to believe in fate, but sometimes you have to wonder the way lives cross. Raegan was a friend of a friend, and I probably met her once or twice in passing 20 years ago, but probably hadn't said two words. Then when J was pregnant with O, I heard about her son who was just diagnosed with Leukemia at 6 weeks old. So as not to upset and worry my pregnant wife, I withheld this information. Her son got a bone marrow transplant and is still cancer free today.
Three years ago O was in his first year of preschool and started coming home talking about his new best friend Ren and how he was going to come over for a play date. I finally relented and sent a note for Ren's mom to call me, when she did, it was Raegan. Of all the kids in preschool, O picks out Ren as his first best friend, and despite no longer going to school together, they have stayed friends. That was when I got to know Raegan well, through play dates with our boys, phone calls and text messages.


When my wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor, Raegan was one of the first people I called. She could relate, she had sadly been there. She made me feel better even as she was telling me that she would be needing surgery again too. Once again her amazing strength, she actually cried more about J than I ever heard her cry about herself. After J's surgery, she was in the NCC (NeuroCriticalCare), when she recovered enough, she was moved to a different part of the hospital. Raegan came out of her surgery, and was put in the exact same room in the NCC, the day J moved out of it. It was a little eerie when it happened. In another weird twist, last week Q came home from school to announce he had a new friend at school that he wanted a play date with. Her name, Raegan.



I can still laugh about her talking about her fake breasts and her ex husband. I don't think she ever forgave me for having her and the boys go to the state fair. Raegan went through two painful back surgeries not to mention numerous rounds of chemo and radiation, and a divorce in the middle of it, and yet I was always amazed at the strength she exhibited for her children. They will grow strong because of her strength, I will remind them of it always. For me, all I know is that I will miss her.