Looking for the crossover friend

Friendship is very interesting. As you move through life, it comes in many forms, and changes as we age and our lives change. Our first friends are usually family, parents or siblings, because they are who we are around and who we know and trust. Outside of family, our next friends come about through proximity, either neighbors, or from class at school or church. From that point we form friendships not just through proximity, but through shared interests and personalities. I see this starting in my boys. Their friends are based mostly who they are in class with. With O, he has been friends with kids one year, only to disregard them the next because they aren't in the same class. Within class, his "best friend", has shared interests, but I also feel they are both a bit socially awkward and match up that way. With Q, he is friends with the kids he plays sports with at recess, he's kind of a jock, he hangs out with the jocks (not to stereotype at such a young age). I will watch with interest as my boys go through school to see how and who their friendships are. Often, your friends from elementary aren't your friends in junior high, who aren't your friends in high school. who aren't your friends in college, who aren't your friends as adults. Some people are lucky, they can form deep lasting friendships from elementary to last a lifetime. Mostly it's not so easy, as circumstance change, so do your friends.





An interesting side note to this is how Facebook has allowed people to reconnect with past friendships from years past. Oftentimes the links that once made you inseparable are no longer there. I have found examples of long lost friends where the conversations could go on for hours even though we hadn't seen each other for twenty plus years. Then there are the others where it is hard to find how you were friends before. Being friends as kids is much different from being friends as adults, it doesn't matter if they were junior high or college friends, it's different as an adult with children.





It's hard to be/make/keep friends as adults. The first issue is time, between work, family time, extended family, and spouse time, it's hard to find the time to put into cultivating good relationships. I have a couple that I would refer to as really good friends, and we are lucky if we get together with them twice a year. Which brings up another issue, no matter where the friendship came from (pre-spousal relationship, my friend, her friend, work friend), the spouses have to get along. If not, then there isn't much chance you'll spend much time with them. Time is precious, I'm not spending it with some douche I can't stand. Since there is very little time to spend with friends at this point in life, it's hard to cultivate those deep relationships, adult friendships are more transitory, someone to do things with, but not to share your deepest secrets and wants. I could name my best friends, but they are my best friends because I know they would be the ones to be there if I ever needed anything, not because I talk to or see them all the time.





So at this point in life, nearing forty, with two school age children, a stay at home dad, with a busy working wife, where do my friends come from. Either people from my wives work (and really, she sees enough of them daily, let's keep work and home separate, except Jim, because I love him so), or the parents of my children's friends. That can get tricky, just because my son likes your son, doesn't make us simpatico. Quick example, Q is friends with a BYU fan, nuff said. It can go the other way too, I made friends with a dad of a girl in O's class, very nice guy, liked him alot. His daughter cannot stand my son, nor, as a result me, to the point that her brother's favorite thing to do to upset her, is to loudly and slowly say O's name.





It would be nice to find the friend that you have history with, that your wife gets along with his wife, and that you have similar current circumstances and views, of course you would never be able to coordinate schedules, would exchange Christmas cards, and maybe get together once or twice a year, only to say we really need to do this more often.





A disclaimer to my wife---You are my best friend and truly the only friend I need, and this blog in no way, shape, or form, is a questioning or indictment of our love and friendship!

Am I becoming "that" person

One of the pitfalls of stay at home parenting is that most of your daily interactions are with children. This can be wonderful and rewarding in its own way. It can also leave one craving some adult interaction/conversation. This is on top of the rewarding conversations with your spouse, which mostly revolve around the children and your day with the children. Unfortunately, this can lead to overreaching to find a conversation. I think I am a naturally friendly person, years of working in retail have made me comfortable talking to people I don't know. My dad gets a kick out of it, like when I would talk to and make friends with the people in the lines at Disneyland. He took to calling me "Mojo Matt" whenever I would talk to people. What I worry is that I am talking too much, being too friendly, perhaps even giving too much information. In my lust for conversing, I will talk to just about anyone, teachers, other parents at school, grocery store clerks, receptionists, waiters, random people shopping, just about anyone. In my haste to do this, I wonder the impression I am making. I wonder if I am coming off extremely needy and a bit too forward. Sometimes in my head as it's happening, I will worry I am talking to much, dominating the conversation, but I can't stop myself. One problem with these encounters, is their fleeting nature, they are but a temporary fix. It's like the drug addict getting a score, sure he's high for a while, but that only lasts for so long, and then needs to score again. They are a vapid passing, unsatiating once the moment has passed. I guess it could be worse, I could go around talking to myself.