Ode to a stubborn Dutchman

Had an interesting time today, I took my grandfather to the VA hospital to see a cardiologist. Seems his daughters (my mother and two aunts) wanted someone there to corroborate what the doctor said. My grandfather took it to mean they thought he was getting senile and couldn't be trusted to go to the doctor alone. Offended, he didn't want any of them to come. I offered to go instead, figuring someone should be there and he would be okay since I didn't question his mental fitness. I was okay to go, since I hadn't insinuated anything about his mental fitness. I love my grandfather, I aspire to be the kind of man he was and is, honest, kind, strong, helpful, giving, loving, tough, and stubborn. At 86, he is still all of those things, although in a frail physical shell of what he once was. His legs bow, and his back bends, but he is a mightily proud man still, and it saddens me to see him physically towards his end. The blessing is that his mind is still sharp, although his hearing has been suspect for years (I have a sneaking suspicion that oftentimes it's just selective listening). To be able to talk and remember with him is priceless, especially after witnessing dementia in friends and family.

My grandfather still lives in the same house that my mother lived in as a child, taking care of my grandmother who can no longer walk and himself. You will not see a more devoted husband, and this is to my grandmother, who can be a cranky, bitter, nagging old hag a lot of the time (even still, she is my grandmother, and I love her dearly). He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, he is the caretaker. I hope to be such a wonderful husband for as long. He still drives...... like a bat out of hell, just call him lead foot. He still tends to his huge garden as he has always done. I still remember eating carrots, cucumbers, and peas, straight from the yard washed off with the hose. He still wants to live, but with his pride, if those things were taken from him he might not be around long after. My grandmother on the other hand likes to say she wants to die, I just ask her not to say it in front of my boys. I love that my boys have had the opportunity to know them, many people don't get the chance to know their grandparents, let alone their great-grandparents. I was lucky enough to grow up next door to my great grandmother, and still harbor many fond memories of her. I hope my boys will do the same.

Mine is a special relationship with my grandfather. My parents divorced when I was six weeks, and up until my mother remarried when I was five, he was the father figure in my life. Even after that, he played a close role in my life. Since both my parents worked, many of my after school days were spent at their house. His whole life he was in amazing physical shape despite bad knees and the nightly bowl of ice cream before bed which I loved to have with him. Then there were the fishing trips, and the rock hounding expeditions. I'm not exactly sure what rock hounding is, or what we were doing hiking around the mountains with hammers and heavy duty canvas bags, but I know it was always fun to go with him. I think he longed to be a prospector and discover gold. They were always educational trips too, my grandfather is a font of knowledge. Which was impressive, because he was mostly self taught through sheer will and determination in the desire to learn and gain knowledge. He had joined the Merchant Marines before he was eighteen, and never went to college, I think he would have really enjoyed it. He was a also tireless worker, trying to provide for his family. There were no breaks when doing things with my grandfather, you worked until the job was done, and he would never get tired. I don't think he let any one do anything for him until he hit his eighties. He is also the toughest man I have ever known. He was always crushing his thumb, or opening a cut, blood would be gushing everywhere, but he would act like it was nothing. He was like the Black Knight from Monty Python, "merely a flesh wound". He'd hold a towel on it, then maybe put some super glue on it to stop the bleeding. The worst he'd ever say was "well that will frost you!" or "oh for hell's sake!". Often times the second phrase would be followed by my grandmothers name, because of something she had said. I remember times in the kitchen with him baking bread, making candles, and his holiday favorite "oly bolies" (oliebol or oily balls). They were a Dutch pastry which he loved to make. I couldn't stand them, but I'd always eat one with a smile and tell him how good they were. Grandpa was great telling stories, but my favorite didn't come till I was grown and married. My wife and I had come to visit, and got to hear the story of how as a young married man he had lost my grandparents savings playing pinball. I almost fell over in laughter, I thought my grandmother might strangle him. I love that he often laughs, and can laugh at himself. If something was particularly funny you would get "oh my heart, my heart" as he would laugh and clutch his chest. One thing has always been steadfast with my grandfather, the fact that he is a stubborn Dutchman (witness above and his doctor appointment). Once his mind is set, there is no turning back. He makes a decision and it's full steam ahead, and come hell or high water he's sticking to it. You always know what you are going to get from my grandpa, he's the same no matter what, and he'll tell you straight. You really see how wise he is, because he knows when to keep quiet and stay out of things, probably to make up for my grandmother who often lacks a filter on her mouth. And that pretty much sums up the greatness that is my grandfather.

Reading this back, it almost sounds like a eulogy, and maybe that's what I'm doing, trying to prepare myself for that sad day. There's a song by Harvey Danger called "Jack the Lion", and every time I listen, it reminds me of my grandfather and the sad day of him "roaring his last". Happily the doctor said that shouldn't be any time soon, his heart looks good, although it's got some extra beats, nothing a stubborn Dutchman can't deal with.