Friday, December 30, 2011

Good riddance or the sun will come out tomorrow

For a year that seemed to start out with such promise, it sure went to crap pretty quickly. Can't say I'll miss 2011 much, it was a year marked mainly by grieving and coping. It started with the death of my grandmother in law, then my sister nearly died giving birth, it took a sharp turn down with the death of my father in law, thought it hit bottom when a close friend died of a heart attack at 39, but only hit rock bottom when J had to have surgery to remove brain tumor tissue again. Tack on struggles with O, and my doctor wanting to put me on meds for high cholesterol and triglycerides, and you have the cherry on the shit sundae. It gets hard to try and prop yourself up against these waves, while at the same time trying to buoy up the rest of the family. First you have to find the strength to reassure yourself everything will be ok, then convey and convince everyone else that is the case too. You question, you dwell, you think, and in the end, you have to live life as it comes and do the best that you can, you never know when it will end. We almost had a friend die two days ago, when he fell on is head trying to mash down the garbage in his can, that's just stupid. We'll carry on in 2012, we'll continue to try to help O with his issues, I'll do everything I can to make myself healthier (although I turned down the meds, to try and lower the numbers on my own), we'll continue to grieve, miss those that died and try to help my MIL, and we'll struggle along with the specter of J's tumor, always worrying, knowing she may have to face it again. The last one is the hardest thing, knowing what you have had to go through, knowing how hard it is, and then thinking you may have to go through it again.

As you can see I was dealing with a lot and so never published many blogs, I'd start one and not finish it, or didn't want them all to be doom and gloom, or just not have time to write. To flush out 2011 I'm going to publish all the ones I started but never finished, then I have a funny O story I'll write and publish for 2012 to start things off right.

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