Not really a resolution.

I wanted to do this post a few weeks ago, but then was busy doing holiday stuff. Then with New Year's, I didn't want to write it and have it sound like a New Year resolution post. I don't do resolutions, they aren't part of my make-up, I'm not a big goal setter. On the other hand, my wife, big time goal setter, she has trouble doing something without a goal attached to it. Which is great, it works for her, not me (although I think she would like it if I had couple of goals). I like to go with the flow, make it through day to day, not stress about future things. Good thing my wife takes care of our retirement plans.



Rewind a few weeks ago, I had a bad day, got angry with the boys, just one of those ugly days. Afterwards I was mainly disappointed in myself, I decided I was letting everyone down, but mostly myself. So I decided I was going to make a concerted effort to be a better father, be a better husband, keep a better house, be healthier, basically just be a better person. I did not share this with anyone, it was a deal just with myself. Since that time I have tried, sometimes with more success than others.

I have tried to be a better dad, play with the boys more, give them more attention, not yell and be angry with them, have them watch less tv. O's improved behavior helps me greatly in this.

Christmas was hell on the house, and it has taken a while, but it has gotten put back together. I'm trying to keep it that way and not let it get out of control, mostly by doing things as I see them. An example would be not letting the dishes pile up in the sink for multiple days. Also trying to have rooms a little more organized where everything has it's place.

Being healthier I put off till after the holidays, I just decided to screw it while all the treats were around. I had a mental deadline of January 1st to quit eating crappy, and I'm doing well so far (other than the half a tub of butter pecan slow churned ice cream I ate the other night), next I just need to incorporate some exercise. With my 20 year high school reunion coming up I would like to lose some weight and get in better shape for it, although I'm not sure exactly why. I'm not sure I'm going (I've never gone to any before), and if I do, I don't know who I'd be trying to impress. If you asked me, I'd tell you I don't give a shit what anyone would think of me, but I still feel like I need to show up there 20 pounds lighter. So healthier is an evolving work. I've also tried to cook more meals at home and have food around so we don't eat out as much.



Being a better husband is where I think I may be slipping a little bit, and I think this post is a bit of an apology to my wife. Don't get me wrong I am a damn fine husband, and my wife is lucky to have me! However, keeping to myself my desire to improve, has made me sensitive to criticism. Simple discussions or requests devolved into me becoming quite defensive. Damn it, doesn't she know I'm trying? Actually, no she doesn't! So in a sad twist, my attempt to be a better husband has made me worse. Sorry my love for getting so defensive about keeping the kitchen clean, not yelling at the boys, and wanting to keep the weight machine, but I'm trying!

Overall I think I am a pretty good person, kind, polite, and considerate. I may not be making a huge contribution to society, but I'll work my way to that little by little. In the mean time, I'll keep working on improving myself.